Bittersweet Moments at Shanghai Healing Home

So once again, on Saturday, I bundled up and headed out on a long subway ride out to Xujian village to volunteer at Shanghai Healing home. I was really excited to see the kids, especially my two favourite girls!

When I got there, we cleaned the toys and the rooms as per usual. I am a seasoned volunteer now, as I was the only person who had been before, so I took the lead and did most of the washing. It was cool! It’s nice to feel familiar in a place you plan to be for a while. We cleaned up the rooms and waited patiently for the babies.

This time, a lot of kids slept in so we had to wait a little longer for playtime. Some boys came down and were sat in the first playroom. I went in and sat next to a bigger boy who was just staring up at the fan. His eyes were huge and curious. I picked him up and sat him on my lap, but his eyes stayed on the fan. I was grabbing at toys and trying to engage this sweet little boy but he just wanted to stare. I then picked him up so he could be higher and closer to the fan, and as I did I was surprised at how heavy he was.

“Oh my, you’re a big one, aren’t you?” I said. I was so used to Hua who was lighter than air. None of the kids had been this heavy. One of the permanent volunteers laughed and said, “Yeah, most of the kids in this room are around 1 year old or younger. He’s three.” I couldn’t believe it. He crawled around like an infant and barely spoke. She noticed the look of curiosity on my face and continued. “He’s in this room because he has a lot of developmental problems and, you know, other things.” I then looked at this boy’s face and for the first time, our eyes sort of met. His eyes were very crossed, but they were beautiful and filled with life.

I smiled, stuck out my tongue, made sounds – tried anything to get him to smile. The Ayis and other volunteers watched as I tried and failed. Then I pushed out my cheeks and blew in his face. He jumped a little and gasped, then giggled. I did it again and he giggled more, but he still didn’t smile. I learned that his smile was just him baring his teeth and scrunching his nose. He didn’t have the facial development to curl his lips or widen his mouth.

He got bored really easily of my puffer fish face so we moved on to another task. I pushed a fire truck towards him, but he didn’t want to play with any of the toys. He wanted to walk – but he couldn’t. I managed to help him stand, but he winced and whined after a few moments because it hurt his weak legs to stand awkwardly for so long. When he pushed himself up to stand, his ribs moved in and out as if he was trying as hard as he could to do a simple task that the other kids could do much easier.

I really enjoyed playing with this little boy and I am looking forward to seeing him again, but I really wanted to see my girls!! I put him down and let him occupy himself once again with the spinning ceiling fan, but he started to cry. I picked him up and took him with me as I went to find the director. “Hey, where’s Guo Yong Hua?” Guo is my little sassy pants with the double unrepaired cleft that I bonded with so well a few weeks ago. “Oh yes her. She’s not here.”

I was a little nervous when he said this. Why wasn’t she there? Was she in the hospital? Did she have an infection? Where was she?!

Not only Guo, but where was Hua Yuan? Where were the two little girls who I’d take home with me right now after feeling so maternal and warm just two weeks prior?

Well, Guo was in the hospital and still is. She’s having her double cleft lip repair surgery!!! The director told me that when I come back, she’ll have a closed lip! I almost cried. I was so excited and now as I sit and type, I an envisioning how she will look, smile, eat, feel, breathe, and just exist. I know she’ll be happier and much healthier too. The director said she’ll likely be sassier, but that’s my little Guo! I can’t wait to see her own the room again like she always does.

As for Hua Yuan… where was she? Great news! Hua was adopted only two days ago to a family in America. J This was a bittersweet moment for me because I knew I’d never see her again. I miss her a lot even though I only met her twice. When I think about having a little wun of my own, I think about Hua. She’s tiny and sweet and has big beautiful brown eyes, just like me and Bernard! Part of me wanted to scoop her up and take her home the first time I laid eyes on her, but I was content just visiting her every other week. Now I can’t do that, but I need to get over my selfish ass! She’s in a better place and will be cared for and loved for the rest of her life in a superior environment.

So great news all around this week at the orphanage. Despite the fact that I didn’t get to see my girls, there are two amazing reasons for it! One life-changing surgery and one life-changing adoption. Good luck Hua, and as for Guo Yong Hua? Girl, I can’t wait to see you even more whole than you were before.

Until next time,

Sarah the happy Wun

Smiles for miles at Shanghai Healing Home!

I couldn’t resist it when I saw a new event open up at the Shanghai Healing Home for Saturday, November 14^th. I signed up immediately weeks ago and after a long and hard week, I had mixed feelings about heading to the orphanage.

I’m not really sure why, but lately I’ve been feeling a lot of hate for my cleft lip and palate. Don’t get me wrong; I don’t ever “like” it, but most of the time we can exist in each other’s space without notice. I was consumed with researching about cleft lip, the side effects and symptoms, the likelihood of ME having a baby with a facial difference, and generally feeling sorry for myself for realistically little reason.

Friday was a stupid day and I kind of wanted to cancel my day at the orphanage the next day, but then I thought why? I felt like an ungrateful idiot thinking about canceling because I didn’t want to be reminded that I had a CL&P…

I hopped on the subway and actually got a lot of reading done, which I was really happy with because when I have the chance to either read a book or do anything else (watch TV) I almost always pick something else, and this makes me feel like a bad English teacher sometimes because I’m very self-critical as I’m starting to realize.

Anyway, I got to the meeting spot and saw a group of foreigners chilling on the subway exit steps. I approached them and within minutes, we were discussing where we were from and I was giving them the low-down on the Healing Home. I ended up being one of the only people who had been there before so I felt kind of pro.

We got to the orphanage, cleaned up the playrooms, and waited for the babies. I actually got to speak with the medical director this time and received a lot of information about this place which made the experience all the more enjoyable. The Healing Home actually has quite a few sponsors and children will always get the medical care they need, regardless of funds. This made me happy. Nevertheless, it’s my goal to bring a donation around Christmas time as a present to myself – giving is the best when you have no idea what the hell you want for Christmas! I had my eye on the little sassy pants from the last time I was here: why was her cleft unrepaired and everyone else’s was repaired? What was her medical deal? I asked a bunch of questions about her and the director said that she had a variety of medical concerns that had to be dealt with before her cleft could be repaired. I thought about how in the future, one day, she’d have a normal top and bottom lip and a repaired double cleft lip and palate. I can’t wait for that day!

Anyway, we were all waiting around for the babies when a familiar little face popped down the stairs in an Ayi’s arms: Hua Yuan! Casts off, arms flailing, I made eye contact, smiled, and reached for my little flower. Just then, another volunteer swooped in and grabbed her – understandably so. She’s without a doubt the cutest thing to ever exist, so I get it… but bitch… that’s MY Hua!

The woman who grabbed Hua stood in front of me, so I grabbed Hua’s little hand and she twisted around and looked at me. She instantly smiled. I don’t know if she remembered me, but I like to think that she did.

More babies came down and I recognized them all! The 3 year old (I think her English name is Cathy) came down and skeptically sized everyone up. The little sassy pants who batted away my glasses was stomping around while the Ayis were chasing her. She had had a haircut, but I could never forget that little face. I was determined to make friends with her this time.

I wasn’t holding a baby at this point, so I was asked to go to another playroom and watch a few kids as they tossed blocks at each other. I did this for a bit and then was asked to relocate to the room I spent most of my time in before. I saw Hua alone, trying to climb up and grab the window so I made my move. I scooped her up and she looked at me. “Hey little friend!” I said. With now moveable arms, she grabbed my shirt and brought me in for a hug. I sat down with her and grabbed a toy for her to grip.

Like déjà vu, Cathy came over, literally pushed Hua off my leg and scooted herself onto my lap. I couldn’t help but laugh. Hua crawled away and Cathy sprawled across my entire lap. I grabbed Cathy’s legs and brought her in for a full body squeeze. She giggled and enjoyed the instant affection. I once again played my truck game where I rolled the trucks up her leg and she enjoyed it as she did the last time. Then she found another volunteer and demanded their attention.

I was sitting on the floor gathering toys when I noticed little sassy pants looking at me. I waved and made a motion for her to come to me. She clumsily ran over and hopped straight into my arms. She was very squirmy so I picked her up and walked around. Then I smiled at her and she began to make faces. She pursed her lips, clenched what teeth she had and wiggled her tongue back and forth. I followed suit and repeated her faces. Then, something that I had never seen before: a big, beautiful smile. Her cheeks went all the way up and what would have been her top lip exposed her very deformed palate. She started clapping and wiggled her tongue some more. I then wiggled my tongue and she loved it. She was so calm this time!

I was told her name was GuoYongHua. When I learned this, I looked her in the eyes and said “Hello GuoYongHua.” She raised her eyebrows in a “wait… you know who I am?!” kind of way. It was really cool that she recognized her name because I noticed the kids weren’t called by their names very often.

GuoYongHua and I made friends and she made sure to snatch any toy from kids who tried to play with me. I made sure to sit in a way that I could accommodate multiple kids on my lap. At one time, I had Cathy, Hua and GuoYongHua all trying to climb on me – it was bliss.

As I was holding Hua in my arms later on in the day, I noticed an older boy sitting in the corner reading a book. I went over to him and sat Hua and I down next to him. “Do you want me to read that with you?” I asked him. He looked up at me and nodded. I started reading and pointing to the words, but he just flipped to a random page and said “look, he’s having a shower” IN ENGLISH. I was shocked. I said “yes, he is” (it was a Dr. Seuss book). “He’s very clean now,” the boy said (later I found out his English name was Paul although he told me it was “Book” and thought this was hilarious). We chatted for a bit and then the kids had to go downstairs for lunch.

  

After lunch, I walked out into the hall and heard some giggling coming from one of the rooms. It was Paul! “Hi! I am hiding so mama can’t find me” he said as he ducked behind the couch. I was not made clear of the “rules”, if any, for after lunch time, so I went into the room and asked what he was doing. “I want to read. Will you read with me?” “Sure” I said and he grabbed a book and hopped up on the couch and leaned over my lap.

“So your name is Paul?” I asked him. He looked up at me like “how’d you know that?” “My name is Sarah.” “Sarah? There’s two Sarahs!” he told me. His English wasn’t good enough for him to explain what that meant, but I gathered that another baby was named Sarah.

We sat on the couch and read a book about different places in a town. I said “bakery” and Paul “ate” all the bread. “Are you full of food now?” I asked playfully. “No! I could eat more. Let’s go to the candy shop” he said as he giggled.

Much like what I learned before, the older kids often fended for themselves and thus were left alone most of the time. Paul was on cloud nine that I was giving him some one-on-one. Just then, my leader came by and said we had to go. Paul was pretty sad about that, but I gave him a hearty high-five and said I’d be back. And I will.

I already signed up to go on November 28^th and I plan to engage with even more kids than I did this time. Sooner or later, they’ll all know who Sarah is and be excited to see me and my energetic ass enter their home every other Saturday.

I felt like a million bucks on Saturday evening. I felt beautiful and useful and like I had genuinely made some kids very happy. I think because I feel connected with these kids it makes me a better volunteer. I’m not saying volunteers have to have a CL&P to enjoy it or be good at it, but for me, it definitely helps to have that connection. Every now and then I need to be reminded that this stupid little scar does not disrupt my life at all. GuoYongHua has a severe unrepaired cleft and OWNS that orphanage like the sassy little pants she is! She lights up a room and can actually feed herself successfully, which is a lot to say for a baby with a double cleft! 

I learn so much from these kids and I am so blessed to be reminded of how good I have it. Do I wish I were born without a cleft lip and palate? I’m not going to wish for something that will never happen, but I can say that I think this stupid scar on my face has made me stronger and given me a lot of internal gifts that I think these babies will also get… and that makes me feel awesome.

Until next time,

Sarah the cleft Wun

Volunteering at Shanghai Healing Home -- An orphanage for babies with needs

About two weeks ago, I was browsing SmartShanghai (a website that tells you the hip and happening things up and about in this vast and bustling city) and I came across an article titled “Volunteering with Orphaned Babies”. I clicked on the link and found a few pictures of precious babies with, wait for it, cleft lip! Sign me up.

So, naturally, my mother hen clucked its way into emailing the organization and signing up. Two weeks later and it’s Saturday, October 17^th and I’m up and ready to head two hours East to Xujian village to help clean up play areas and aid in the stimulation of babies’ social and emotional growth. Talk about Heaven.

So after an almost two hour subway ride, I meet a group of smiling volunteers outside the station and we hop into cabs and drive even further into the “nothingness” that is the outskirts of the city. We passed by dilapidated buildings and rows of trees as we zigzagged down winding roads. I took a hit of my anti-nausea spray I got in Thailand more than once – this taxi driver was a beast.

Finally, we turn into an apartment complex and walk over towards a villa with a sign out front that says “Shanghai Healing Home”. It was a cute little building with toys out front. I could hear some crying babies and I couldn’t wait to get inside and cuddle them!

Our first task was to wipe down the play areas and toys. We scrubbed for what only seemed like minutes and then we got to play! Hoards of little munchkins made their way into five different play rooms, each separated into age groups. The most basic was a newborn nursery – I had to wait my turn for this one!

I slowly and cautiously approached a room with several little beebees in it staring up at me with nervous curiosity. I sat down on the mat and pushed a toy towards one little guy. He attempted to grab it and bat his hands at my legs.

You see, these babies had various physical and mental issues. One of the main issues happened to be cleft lip and palate, which I was excited about because I immediately felt connected to each and every baby having looked similar when I was a newborn. Another issue was limited mobility for various mental and physical reasons. I saw a couple babies battling fetal alcohol syndrome, some with extra fingers and some with extra toes, and some that looked “fine” but definitely weren’t.

Then the leader walked in with a darling little gem and said, “Sarah, do you want to take her?” Before I said, “uhhhh, wait, how do you hold a baby?!”, a little girl less than two years old was placed into my hands. She was lighter than air and frail as could be. She had wispy, soft hair that fell gently over her big, curious brown eyes. Her nose was a little button and beneath it was a double-cleft lip. I looked at her and whispered “Nihao”. She scrunched up her nose in an attempted smile and bared her crooked teeth at me. She started making a ch ch ch sound, so I mimicked her, and that was it: she didn’t want to leave my side.

As I was playing with Hua Yuan (literally translates into Flower Garden, which is very fitting considering just how beautiful and delicate this little baby was), another older baby waddled over to me. She had to be about 3. She looked at me, or rather, scowled. She threw a small train at me and so I picked it up and started running it up Hua Yuan’s leg, making a ch ch ch noise, which made her giggle. Just then, the 3 year old sat down firmly, rolled up her pant legs and said “Mama! Mama!” and pointed to her leg, signaling that she wanted me to roll the train up her leg now. I did and she smiled a big, goofy grin and looked at me happily. She rolled her pants up higher and I rolled the train from her leg, up her arm, and onto her head. She thought this was hilarious and giggled loudly. Then she screeched with excitement and ran away.

I turned my attention back to the frail and fragile Hua Yuan who I forgot to mention had soft casts on both of her arms. I asked the leader why she had these and never got an answer. The casts made it hard for her to crawl so she needed a lot of extra help. I had no choice but to devote most of my attention to her. The 3 year old was pretty pissed and I very quickly made an observation that most of the “older” babies were neglected in this room. They could fend for themselves and keep occupied whereas the babies needed constant care and support. This hurt my heart a little.

I left Hua Yuan and the others for a bit to hit up the newborn nursery. I walked in treading softly and looked around. All of these babies looked severely deformed, for lack of a better word. They all had something, and it was obvious. I noticed one little guy in rabbit pajamas rolling around the room. I went over and laid down beside him and said “Nihao, roly poly!” He smiled a very thin, crooked smile and stuck out his tongue, which actually never went back inside his mouth. He snorted and breathed hard, getting a little too excited at my presence. I decided to back off a bit and just watch him roll around and smile, making sure he didn’t roll into any other babies.

Another little dude was arching his neck in an awkward way to look at me, so I went over and picked him up, trying to support his neck. I realized that his joints were very stiff and he was hard to hold. I managed to get him comfortable enough so that he grabbed at my chest and nuzzled in for an “assume the nap position” position. He looked up at me and drowsily drifted off to sleep.

Women of the world, back me up. Is there anything more “I want a baby or several” than watching a gorgeous little baby fall into a peaceful sleep against your chest while doing that cute little sucking thing with their lips? Omg… My ovaries.

I awkwardly held this sleeping baby until an Ayi saw me, chuckled, and took him to a sleeper. (She was probably thinking, bitch have you ever held a living thing?!) After that, I met a little man with Down syndrome who was obsessed with my eyes and constantly trying to grab my fingers. I stared at him for a while and smiled as I watched his reaction – I don’t know if it was fear or curiosity – to my bright teal nail polish (the kids were obsessed with my nails!). Note to self: Wear bright nail polish when I go back.

The babies were sweet and cute and surprisingly quiet and calm! I couldn’t believe it. I was expecting projectile vomit and ear piercing screams; but in reality, they just wanted someone to rub their backs and help them onto their stomachs.

I went back to the “older” baby room where a sassy little girl with an unrepaired double-cleft lip was standing near the door about to charge. I opened and closed it quickly and grabbed her up. “Nihao little one!” She was strong! She shrieked and squirmed and I almost dropped her! I made my way onto the mat with her and tried to sit her nicely on my lap. Nope. She scrambled off my lap and started shrieking and crying. I wasn’t sure what to do. I stroked her hair and clapped my hands. Nothing. Then, she climbed up me and looked straight at my glasses. THWAP! Right off my face. Because she was so close to me, I could see this made her smile, so I paused a moment to soak up that beautiful unrepaired smile. Then, I retrieved my glasses, put them on, and THWAP! At this point, I had to hand her off to another volunteer and go clean my glasses.

When I came back, she was otherwise engaged, so I watched her from afar. She had such a huge personality, it radiated throughout the room. As I watched her snatch toys from the other babies, the 3 year old waddled back over to me, planted herself in my lap, and thrust an animal toy at me. “Mama!” she said. She was pointing at the animal buttons and so I made the sounds that the animals made. She looked at me and did it again, “MAMA!” Dog? “Ruff ruff” I barked. She barked back. Then I said “dog”, but she just said ruff ruff. I eventually got her to say hello and bye-bye. ENGLISH TEACHER FOREVER AND ALWAYS! J

I was busy mooing like a cow when I felt a very light nudge on my back. I turned and there was Hua Yuan ch-ch-ch-ing away. I said hello and she smiled. She held her arms out wide and came in for a hug. The 3 year old had motored off at this point, so I hoisted Hua Yuan up and brought her to the window where she looked up at the sky and out into the light of day. When we turned around, the room was empty. An Ayi came in and said “che fan xian zai!” (Eat now/lunch time). I surrendered Hua Yuan to an Ayi and went down with the masses to observe the children’s dining time. Hua Yuan watched me as she was plopped down into a booster seat and fed gingerly by a loving Ayi. I watched her and made faces to keep her occupied. When I stopped, she started crying. I could tell I should have just left her alone because now she wanted me to come and get her. An Ayi told me I could grab her out of her seat, so I did and walked her over to a wall of pictures.

On this wall were pictures of the babies from each room. I found a picture of Hua Yuan pre-surgery with her unrepaired double cleft lip smiling away. Her eyes were just so big and beautiful! I felt pretty emotional at this point and was relieved that the day was almost over – my emotions, and ovaries, couldn’t handle much longer.

The leader came by and said “Ready to go?” and Hua Yuan tightened her grip on me. I eventually got her into a walker and distracted so I could leave, but it was hard. It was hard to wave goodbye to all the sweet babies who waved and smiled as we left the compound. They looked at us longingly, wondering, I’m sure, if we’ll be back.

This experience made me feel so completely blessed and humble. Thank goodness I was born in Canada to a loving family who didn’t mind a little extra elbow grease to support a baby with a facial difference. Thank goodness I was loved by so many people, and knew it (!) throughout my at times very hard and painful childhood growing up with a cleft lip and palate.

Thank goodness for volunteers who give these adorable orphans a chance to smile and play and infect us with their energy and grandiose personalities.

Will I go back? Well, it was a two-hour commute each way, but for those faces – especially little Hua Yuan – I’d make the trek.

Yours,

Sarah the loving Wun

There's no place like home

So I've been feeling a little homesick lately because Canada is the best. Just look at the love we have received over the year and a bit that we've been here. :)

In the spirit of the new unit, Oh the places you’ll go, I’ve been doing a lot of video searching on YouTube to find a suitable travel video to showcase my home and native land. This unit, I’ve printed off a few travel stories for my students. I’ve got a story about landing in LA (very simple and talks more about the plane than anything), a story about PEI and its picturesque beauty (this is the story we’re currently on), another story about an airplane doing international travel, and a story about Mexico and its homey quality.

We’re currently focused on the PEI story. I tried to find a story about Newfoundland, but when I came across this gem on PEI, I couldn’t resist. It paints a really beautiful and tranquil picture of the tiny but full of life province.

The other day, I asked my students to bring me three facts about PEI. I learned a lot! Haha. I’m excited to be able to focus on areas of Canada that the students are unfamiliar with. They know Toronto and Vancouver and a couple of them have heard of Montreal, but the East coast is often overlooked, which is such a shame as it is breathtaking. We talked about important trademarks of PEI. Lobsters, potatoes, red sand. “Red sand? But Mrs. Sarah, sand is not red,” one of my little inquisitive children claimed. “It is in PEI…” this clarification was met with 17 looks of awe. They were so curious about PEI! They wanted to know if I had been there and how it was different from the places they usually thought of when they think of Canada (Toronto, basically).

Yesterday, I played the students “The Island” by the Barra MacNeils from Cape Breton, Nova Scotia. I asked them to listen to the song and circle descriptive words and then describe Cape Breton based on the words in the song. I then showed them a picture slideshow of Nova Scotia. They ooed and awed at all the greenery and fresh lobsters in their traps. They gasped and giggled at the moose and the seagulls.

Sidebar: When the picture of the moose came up, this is what I heard and it made my life:

Student #1: Look! A bear!
Student #2: That’s not a bear! It’s a cow!

From now on, the moose’s nickname is bear-cow. How excellent is that?!?!

I think the best reaction was a handful of kids pointing and saying “Wowwww!” at a picture of a lovely forest. The greens and browns were astounding. I definitely won the kids over and they all want to travel to the east coast of Canada. J

On Friday, the students completed “postcards” of PEI based on the story we read and how they interpret written description. They will then be asked to pick any place in the world to create a “postcard” for and describe it to the class. I don’t doubt some of the kids will pick places in Canada. I know I’m biased, but I just love Canadian landscape, culture, and spirit! I wish I could teach a unit called “I love Canada!” I guess I could, really. Hah! In the same breath, this is an international minded school so I figured talking about traveling the world is a better bet. The world is so big! There’s not enough time to talk 

about it all!

These little activities are making me want to go back home to Newfoundland. Hilariously enough, after I found a video covering approximately a minute’s worth of pictures showcasing all the 13 provinces of Canada, I went into B’s office and he turned from his desk and said, “I really want to go to Prince Edward Island! Can we go visit your aunt?” Haha! I couldn’t have agreed more. I too was feeling homesick, for Ontario family and friends, but more so for the simple life on the East coast. It’s been years since I’ve been out East and I could use a dose of warm welcome, sea salt water, green blankets of grassland, and delicious bites of hot home cooked local seafood.

As I gazed at my wall of cards from family and friends and how much it has grown over the year and a bit we’ve been here, I couldn’t help but miss home. Bernard went out and got some fixings and made a big Western breakfast this morning. We felt like we were back in Canada. Every now and then, I need that.

I’m sorry Shanghai, but I cannot replace my home. Once a Newfie, always a Newfie. The spirit of Newfoundland is as strong as the screech they drinks.

Until next time.

Sarah the Canadian Wun