It's a Wunderful Life: Paradise Found: Chapter Two

Paradise Found: Our magical vacation turned honeymoon in Sanya, Hainan Province, China

Chapter Two

“Seeing as it is your anniversary” the lady began to say – albeit in extremely broken English, but we understood her fine, “we have added some perks to your stay.” (Alright, I’ll be honest, I don’t remember her exact words as it was a long conversation of her sweetly trying to remember how to say all this in English, so instead of me Yoda-ing it, I’m just going to summarize her statements in my own words).

“It is too early to check in now if you want your upgraded room. We have given you the honeymoon suite in response to your request for something special on your wedding anniversary.” I can feel Bernard’s giddiness at this point. “You’ll have to wait a little while, but while you wait, please feel free to explore the hotel and its amenities.” At this point she hands us a MAP of the resort. It’s huge! We ask a couple of questions, including can we leave our bags at the front desk [of course we can], and proceed to take a tour. “Oh, also with the room upgrade comes admittance to the executive lounge for afternoon tea. This is daily from the hours of 3-5pm. Please enjoy your stay.” HELL YES! Executive suite?! MMMHHMMMMM. Bernard and I just looked at each other and smiled. Free stuff. That statement might as well be “Here’s $2000 and a puppy”.

We leave our bags and head out to explore. The first place we cruise by is an art and fan museum. GORGEOUS. Statues and fabrics everywhere.

Then we head down a flight of gorgeous stone steps to the spa area. It’s the size of a city. You can’t even put in words what we say. Crossing a wooden bridge over a river, there were two large square planks over the river with massage tables, sinks, and large showers, all under straw huts. It was literally like watching a Sandals resort commercial. Or rather a Sandals resort VIP you can’t afford this place commercial. Magic. The air was filled with smells of lemongrass and mint and you could hear yourself breathe – that’s how quiet it was. Bliss! We instantly considered a couple’s massage just for the hell of it.

The wobbly bridge. Those ropes were necessary!

Did I mention the hammock?!

Next we winded down a path and admired all the gorgeous greenery.

There were bushes carved into animals,

flowers placed atop of garbage cans and ash trays to make them look magical. Everywhere we turned was another Amazonian path to walk down leading to a building with rooms or a pool or the beach.

We made our way out to an area by a river. This river was connected to the main pool. It winded all around the resort and branched off into separate pools (kids pool, water slide area, Jacuzzi, etc.). And then we crossed a wobbly bridge to the main pool. Oh. My. God.

The main pool was literally a postcard waiting to happen. The water was the temperature of a warm bath. There were straw huts scattered to block fragile skin from the sun and cover the Jacuzzi areas. There was a swim up bar equipped with any cocktail one needed. There was a volleyball net, basketball nets, large archways with misters to cool you off. There was a giant palm tree in the middle of the damn thing. I for one had my jaw dropped the entire walk.

We walked around the pool to the main building area. It was, wait for it, magical. Could you have guessed? Crossing another cute bridge, we noticed a giant mass of koi fish that following our footsteps in anticipation of food. Bernard clapped and they scattered in opposite directions.

We walked down more winding steps where we saw two restaurants: one that would supply the breakfast buffet in the mornings and another, Dragon Palace, for all our traditional Hainan cuisine needs.

A further walk past the gift shop, the cigar lounge, and the billiards room was a German restaurant with live music overlooking rivers and beyond that, the gorgeous sea. There was also the poolside bar restaurant, Shades and Waves, room service, the lobby which served up teas and snacks, and other little stops that could supply you with beverages whenever you desired. No need to set foot off this resort.

Oh wait…

So at this point, Bernard and I are melting. The sun is punching us in the back and I am in desperate need of sunblock, sandals, and maybe a hat. I was wearing my Toms and my skin was crisping. Damn it.

We walked to the lobby and asked if there was a store nearby where we could get sunblock. I don’t know if their English wasn’t good or if they were just confused that we wanted to leave paradise, but everyone we asked was like, uuuhhh no. We have a gift shop!

So we went to the gift shop. How expensive could it be? At this point, we were on vacation mode, so I was like YOLO…. I’m buying what I need and what I want!

Sunblock: 200Y ($33)

Hats: 300-500Y ($50-90)

Flip flops: Ready to be outraged?

Let me begin by saying that, in my opinion, flip flops are useless wedges of material that have the sole purpose (see what I did there?) of making your feet not touch the floor. They should be 10 cents, a dollar tops.

Flip flops: 500Y ($83!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Naturally, I walked out with nothing. I was pissed. I really wanted a pair of sandals and a hat, and my skin desperately NEEDED sunblock. Bernard said something about my “jewish ass” and we continued walking.

It was about that time to pick up our bags and head to our room. We went to the front lobby, grabbed our suitcase, and attempted to find building 3. Our building was pretty far from the lobby, but backing off of our room was the executive pool, which was delightfully close to the beach, which was delightfully close to the main pool, which was decently near almost everything else we could need (breakfast buffet in the morning). What our building was most close to was the executive lounge. J

We found building 3 and hopped up the elevator. Room 2212. Excellent. Not bottom floor, away from the noise, seemed very quiet and peaceful. Bernard opened the door and went in first. He was therefore the first to react to everything. His reactions were great. Imagine MY over the top ass?