Hang in there! Finally feeling like myself again

Finding myself again

It’s been a weird few months. There was a lot of negative energy in the air just before Christmas time at work and things were not okay. I didn’t feel good and it was grating on me. I had just the most beautiful holiday in Thailand over Christmas and felt relaxed and thankful when I returned to Shanghai. I was refreshed and happy to jump back into routine. I was hoping that work would be better. I was hoping that my colleagues would be recharged and refreshed after some time away, and that sort of happened, but I was still sad and things were just not right. I didn’t feel like myself. I was so bummed out all the time and just cried often.  I felt so bad and so guilty when I would come home from work dejected and exhausted. It wasn’t fair to Bernard to have to constantly cheer up my gloomy ass.

In order to get through the day without crying (sometimes for no reason it felt like), I would look up inspirational quotes, listen to lively music, and decorate my classroom as brightly as possible to keep myself feeling light. I’m really good at putting on a happy face, and it really doesn’t take much to make me happy, but it had felt like for the past couple of months – pretty much since I started at my new job – that I was forcing a smile and it was getting really difficult and taking too much effort. The hostility and bitterness in the hallways coupled with the very low English levels and even lower motivation from the students in class was really getting to me. I won’t even mention the consistent behavior issues and the lack of satisfactory consequences. Work life was getting to me and it was seeping into my personal life by just getting me down all the time.

As I walked to work one day with my head held high, positive tunes blasting through my headphones, I heard “No day but today!” over and over. I started to say this to myself. Who cares what happened yesterday! If you were wrong, so what? Today you can be right. There is no day but today. Don’t think about tomorrow and stress out about things you cannot control. No day but today!

I got to school feeling uplifted and ready for whatever could be thrown at me. I kept repeating in my head, no day but today. It helped me get through my anxiety and my sadness. Then, when I really needed to, I pulled up a search for inspirational quotes. I found many, but one stayed with me so much that I shared it with my students on the last week before Chinese New Year holiday and they remembered it up until we said goodbye for vacation:

“If your heart is broken, make art with the pieces” – Shane L. Koyczan

I recognized the name from a TED talk I watched about bullying. This quote really spoke to me! I often feel like when I’m really sad, like so sad that breathing takes effort, I need to “make art”. I’ve wanted to write a blog for so long now, just getting my thoughts on paper and letting myself be calmed by the flow of words onto the page – but like I said, I haven’t felt like myself lately.

When I get home from work, I want to curl up in a blanket and watch mindless TV or cute dog videos that make me laugh so I can go to bed happy. I want to eat comfort food until my tummy hurts so much that I’m physically sick which is easier than feeling mentally sick. I don’t want to write. I don’t want to read. I just want to exist in the easiest form possible.

You know how they say, “Time heals all wounds”? It’s true! Now, I’m impatient as hell so this really pissed me off to think about the fact that I had to “wait” to be happy! Haha.

 I was Skyping with my mom one day – weeks after she had pried out of me that I had been sad at work and was having a really hard time. Anyway, one day I just had a good day. It was a Monday and I spent the weekend feeling a lot of anger and guilt within myself. I decided to reflect, read, get together with positive and energetic people who like me and value my friendship. I surrounded myself with love. I got up early, had a shower, got dressed, and cleaned the house all before noon – and I let myself be proud of that. I thought about my lesson plans and let myself feel like I was a good teacher because of that. I stopped being nervous and fearful and consumed by others’ negativity, and I thought, “Wait a minute. This is my life! This is my job and I am here for a reason. I deserve to be included and listened to and valued!” I had a very refreshing weekend of reflection so on that Monday, I had a good day. I just felt marginally better, but it made a difference.

So I hopped on Skype on Monday evening – our weekly routine, Mom and I. I told her that I had a decent day and carried on with the conversation. Then she said, “You know what, Sarah? You sound like yourself again.” And I lost my shit. I just cried. It was the best kind of cry. It was a “you understand me and said exactly what I needed to hear” kind of cry. I felt so unbelievably good to be myself. I thought, wow, I’m a good person. If being myself makes me have a good day, then I should be myself more often.

Some people recently have told me that words mean nothing and it is all about actions, but I would have to disagree a little bit. I’m a big words person! If someone says, “Have a good day!” it means the world to me when I’ve had a rough day. If someone says, “Nice dress!” it means the world to me if I feel ugly. Words are so powerful and these days, in my time of “offness” where I’ve felt not like myself, I hold onto any positive words I hear and keep them with me.

I’m the kind of person who really appreciates hearing “Thank you” and “You’re so nice!” and positive affirmations that I’m a good person. I understand that you cannot just expect things like that and you need to be able to understand and know within yourself that you are a good person and you don’t need to hear thank you to know that what you did was a good gesture. I’m still working on this, but I’ll get there. It’s still nice to hear appreciation though.

Another quote I read that has truly changed my life – and I don’t care if that sounds stupid because at the time I read it, I really and truly needed to read it. I found a quote that just simply says:

“I require happiness.”

It is this quote that made me forgive myself and find the positivity in day-to-day life. It is this quote that made me stop putting so much energy into people who do not appreciate me or even respect me. It is this quote that made me actively look for another job, because clearly I am unhappy for whatever reason and I need to find a place where I can be as happy as Bernard is. I require happiness! It’s not even so much a deserving thing but an actual requirement. Some people keep saying “You’re not going to love everyone you work with or everything about your job, etc.” This is true. But I require happiness. If I can be happy, why shouldn’t I be happy? Already in the process of sending out resumes and looking to transfer to another campus within my current company, I feel a million pounds lighter. All the negativity around me is much easier to take when I know I won’t feel it next year.

When I finally had a meeting with a head honcho about transferring and it began with him saying he didn’t know who I was or why I was there… instead of get angry, dejected, sad, and upset (which I will admit, I felt a little bit… I mean I’m only human!), I laughed it off. I came home, messaged Bernard to meet me at our favourite little wonton restaurant, and I told him the story of my horrific meeting and laughed it off. At this point, it’s all just amusing and I have to just take what comes to me and let it happen. I cannot control other people, but you better believe I can control how I perceive things and I’ll be damned if I’m anything but at peace from now until the end of June. I require happiness and I shall find peace!

So instead of stressing so hard about finding a new job, I’m simply letting life play out, and as I put myself out there, I’m going to remember that I will not settle for anything less than what I want. I’ve tasted job satisfaction multiple times and I can’t wait to do it again. The sad thing is for me to be satisfied at work doesn’t take much… just a few simple smiles and a little value and appreciation. For now, I will smile at myself and value and appreciate myself, because I require happiness!

Thank you for reading! I appreciate you as a reader. Sorry for not writing anything funny or adventurous, but I had to find myself again and just feel better. I’m headed on another beautiful journey in South East Asia so you’ll be hearing about multiple adventures when I find the desire to take my pen to paper notes and computerize them. I promise to do it soon.

I’ll leave you with a quote from one of my favourite books ever, Eat Pray Love. A quote that I really need to listen to and adopt far more than I do: “Let your mind be free from useless suffering.” I hope that today, you can empty your mind of “useless suffering” and reflect on how amazing of a person you are and how you add such meaning to this crazy little thing called life. If you feel that actions speak louder than words, pretend that I am reaching out to hug you! J If me saying it is enough, well then, I hope I made you smile and feel warm and fuzzy. It’s a great feeling that I hope to feel more often these days!

Yours optimistically,

Sarah positive vibes Wun

Stories to warm the heart!

So it's been a rough few weeks and I thought I'd share some really, really satisfying moments from this week to keep my spirits up.

I had a really good day. It was our "Halloween" day so I dressed up as a mad scientists and the kids LOVED it! (Pictures to come). It was hectic and I peed like once when I normally pee 279437685 times so it was a little insane and my head hurt a bit by the end of the nonstop day, but it was sooooo great.

I saw some student progress this week. Like, direct student progress. Students growing in their English academic abilities. Sweet! (Translation: I lowered my standards by a landslide and therefore have seen slight progress and feel good about it... )

I've started rehearsals for my play (Yes, I'm staring in a show, omg!! Details to come!) and I'm just feeling over the moon about it. I had the worst day on Monday, but then I went to rehearsal and felt awesome... so that's the best!

Last weekend, a vegan company in Shanghai launched their new ice cream brand and gave out free ice cream. Dairy free ice cream? 6 bowls? FREE?! Yup. I've been to Heaven guys and it tastes yum.

My extremely thoughtful husband left me a note on my pillow saying "You're amazing. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise" after a few very, very horrible days and it made everything okay again.

My students decorated the classroom like a haunted house and it looks amaaaaazing (even though it's messy and took forever). I am so happy that I let them decorate for the past three weeks. Other classes only decorated for this week, but I let me kids take over for the whole of October. Worth it. I think my class might win the decorating competition.

I told my students a scary story and had my assistant Head of House come in and scare the shit out of them at the end and it went SO smoothly. Two students ran out of the class screaming! It was amazing. They are STILL talking about how "scary" Ms. Wun is. Hehehehehehe. *brushes dust off of shoulder*

Today we had a 5k run for charity, and watching my kids push themselves to finish it was a heartwarming experience. I was cheering them on the sidelines like a proud mama and some of the students just looked genuinely proud of themselves after every lap. They'd slow down a bit to smile and wave at me and I'd cheer them on calling them a hero and a superstar. My God, it was beautiful. I just absolutely love seeing students so passionate and motivated these days. My FAVOURITE part was that they were not using technology or complaining or being rude to each other. They were helping each other run around the track and smiling the whole time in their costumes. They were loving a simple activity. It was adorable and I can't stop smiling thinking about some of my really, really weak students pushing themselves and crossing that finish line, highfiving me at the end (some of the boys highfived really hard which made me laugh!)

I watched Friends last night and Bernard brought me home a snack of chocolate and ginger ale and we just cuddled and I watched my show and he did his thing and it was just SO relaxing and nice. My feet were killing me and my brain was mush, and I just watched my stories and loved every second of it. It's kind of scary how much I love doing something so simple as this... but I do!

Here comes the best part of my week and arguably the most exciting part of this whole month. So exciting that this is the reason I'm writing the blog. The other stuff makes me very happy and blessed, but this last thing that happened about 10 minutes ago has really made me start skipping and singing!

Here it is: MOSES LICKED MY FACE!

Context: Moses is our rescued foster dog who is pretty nervous and stand offish at the best of times. He has never, ever licked anything but my arms and occasionally my legs after showering (because he's strange) and today, I came home from work, opened the bedroom door and said HI MOMO!!!! and he roused from his sleepy state, came over to me, tail wagging, plopped in my lap and went NUTS!! He was a proper dog!

Moses doesn't play with toys or get overly excited about anything. He's a bit of a strange dog and is often very mopey. When he licked my face, I couldn't believe how excited it made me. I feel like in that moment, he was so comfortable with me. I feel like he was telling me that he loved me at that moment. It was an absolute treat and I loved it!!!!

Confession: I'm actually not a fan of being licked in the face by dogs BUT this was so unbelievably uncharacteristic of our little bear. Now he's cuddled up beside me. I swear he can feel my energy. I feel like he feels very safe and loved. It's such a beautiful feeling! I feel like a major step has been made here in my foster parenting role.

GAH! What a good day!!!

I promise I'll post some pictures of my classroom and students in costume, but for now, here's a few little things to hopefully make you smile.

Until next time!
Sarah the happy Wun

The Next Chapter... hello again Shanghai

The ups and downs of starting a new job

It’s been a roller coaster of emotions beginning my new job. Bernard is extremely happy at his school, doing exactly what he wants to be doing. I, on the other hand, have been dealt a different deal and it’s been tough to say the least. Not only have I had to adjust my teaching style and plans, but I’ve also had to grapple with coming into a brand new school and starting from scratch in every sense of the word. I kind of wanted to be done with starting afresh, but as much as it’s scary and stressful, it’s also kind of fun and feels cool to be a part of something brand new.

Some really awesome things about my job are that there are only 65 students so far and I get to teach them all! I love that I see and teach all of the students every day and therefore I know all of the students in the school – I know this won’t be the reality for long, but for now I’m soaking up all the perks of this, like consistent communication and ensuring that all students have the same English instruction because I am THE English teacher. Because I’m the only English teacher, I am also the head of the English department, which is both badass and scary at the same time. I can use my curriculum design experience to build the English curriculum from the ground up. I was planning on using some of my old resources and adapting them to this environment, but because the English levels of my current students are so drastically different than my last kids, it’s kind of impossible to use the same curricular materials.

I absolutely love my colleagues! They are wonderful and we are such a small and tight-knit staff that it makes things even better that we all get along and work well together. Communication is a lot easier when you only have a 10 teacher staff.

I have my own big, beautiful classroom, which is super cool! I know not all teachers can say this, so I don’t take this fact for granted. I am so happy to be able to decorate and take full command of my classroom.

As much as some of the other staff complains about it, the lunch is amazing! We have the option of “upgrading” to a “special” meal and I’ve grown accustomed to the Korean bibimbamp! It’s delicious and full of veggies. I could honestly get used to eating this every day for the rest of the semester. I really hope they haven’t gotten rid of it since I’ve been on vacation! Haha. Knowing my luck, it’ll be long gone by Monday.

I get to teach dance and yoga classes as extra-curricular, which not only lets the students do something nonacademic, but also gives me an excuse to work out at work! I love to dance and yoga sustains me! I need yoga to survive, I swear – and I do yoga club on Fridays at lunch so all of my stress that I’ve built up over the week, I can sweat and stretch out during this time!

For the most part, I have support. I feel fairly supported and like the other teachers are consistent and have my back. Again, having such a small school makes communication and consistency much easier than in a school of thousands!

Because this isn’t Heaven on Earth or anything, there are multiple obstacles and struggles I’ve had to deal with since starting at my new job as well. (I’ll spare you the administrative and visa process struggles because those are boring and frankly come with any new job overseas). The first and biggest one being that I’m teaching something completely different than what I was told. I was told I’d be doing English including literature and the works. I was told my students would be proficient English language speakers and writers. I was told I wouldn’t have discipline issues and I’d be able to use my resources from my old job – like the lesson plan covering non-linear texts and video games! This was my perception.

This is reality.

The majority of my students are beginner and basic English language learners at best. Most if not all of my students haven’t been in an International school environment before. Most of the students were taught English by a local Chinese teacher in the past, and therefore have never had a foreign teacher teach them their classes in English. Most of my students have a hard time spelling words that any teacher would consider basic (pencil, snack, school) and therefore – yes this is an assumption but an informed one! – have a hard time reading and writing in general. All the planning and resource collecting that I did the two weeks prior to my students arriving was useless and has literally not informed any of my actual plans. I teach from a grammar textbook more than I’d like to because I have to in order to build a foundation of English, which I thought was supposed to be built way before sixth grade! I teach phonics, which I make fun because I’m me but is actually painful and makes me feel like I teach in a training center.

Sad reality: I’ve been “angry” for the better part of my teaching time so far and it’s just October now. I’ve had to yell and get mean and scary more than once, which I hate doing, especially at the beginning of the year. I’ve doubted myself on countless occasions. I’ve wanted to quit on more than one occasion. I’ve cried hysterically under my office desk and said, “I can’t do this” repeatedly. I’ve apologized for things that I don’t need to be sorry for. I’ve made mistakes on a daily basis and feel bad about it. I’ve had to deal with behavior issues that have caused parent calls before the end of the first week of classes! I already have a student on probation. I have felt helpless and powerless and like I can’t do this job already and I hate that feeling. I’ve had Abu Dhabi flashbacks (!!!!!!!!!!!!) I’ve questioned my career path. I’ve been jealous of my husband for being way happier than I am at work. I’ve felt ashamed for being sad and inflicting that on my husband. I’ve covered just how upset and disappointed I am in my job in order to spare my husband. I sometimes feel like I’ve made a mistake leaving my old job….

Happy reality: At least half of my students are fairly sweet and really want to learn English. At least half of my students make me smile and laugh and love what I do. At least half of my students are forgetful but precious and feel bad when they aren’t prepared for my class. After 3-4 weeks of teaching, I’ve discovered that hell yes I can do this and it excites me how far I’ve come! I have established rules and routines in my classroom that at least half of my students respect and follow. I’m happy and love teaching so much that I could literally be teaching feminist banana peeling to babies and I’d be thrilled because this is the best job in the world and I get to do it and be paid for it!

Super happy reality: That paycheck though. Finally my Master’s has counted for something and my education and experience is being appreciated in the form of dolla dolla bills, and even though I wish this wasn’t the case, I’m doing this partly for financial reasons. Why else would I be in a place where I can’t just walk out my front door, travel a short distance, and hug my mom?! I have to airplane for at least 13 hours and skirt through multiple time zones to hug my mom and that’s huge to me, so hell yes if I need a good paycheck to deal with that fact.

What’s coming up? Positive vibes, more self-reflection and realization that I really was born to be a teacher and giddiness at the thought of my weak students soaring through and sharing some badass English skills with me that will delight me more than a vegan chocolate cake!

Actually, something like that has already happened!

One of my English students at the beginning of the year was extremely weak. In class, she would sit and stare at me and guess at my gestures and foreign words. I spoke slowly and simply but she never really seemed to get it. After a few placement assessments, I came to the conclusion that she needed supplemental English help, so I put her on the list of students to be pulled from Music or Drama class for extended English (this has been a life saver and such a necessity at our school – it means that kids get English class sometimes more than once a day!!!!) and she’s not only been doing well, but she’s actually surpassing some of the other students! She told the supplemental teacher that she understands me fine and that it was a mistake to put her in the extended class. Mistake or not, having her come to the realization that she a) needs to pull up her socks because Ms. Wun thinks she doesn’t understand and she’s weak in class; and b) has the confidence to reflect on and confront her English abilities, is amazing! I’m so thrilled that she puts her heart and soul into every one of my classes. Her hand is always in the air ready to participate, which surprises me every time. She’s even started smiling and waving at me in the halls. On a more personal and less academic note, she’s in my dance class and therefore we’ve developed a special bond that goes beyond English language learning. She’s a great dancer who picks up on movements and rhythms very quickly. She’s translated this skill into her English class and therefore can learn things quite fast as long as they aren’t too difficult.

I’m still working on getting her confidence up to ask me questions when she doesn’t understand things in class, but I’m just so happy that I’ve already seen progress in one “weak” student. It gives me hope that more students will make leaps and bounds and become capable language learners who can not only have a conversation with me and the other teachers, but also want to have these conversations that most timid, basic language learners fear the most.

So as much as there have been new struggles (some of which I haven’t mentioned because, to be honest, I’d prefer to forget the struggles and focus on the positives), there have also been new and amazing challenges that have excited me and made me feel proud to be a teacher in a new and nerve-wracking environment.

So my goals this year? I’d like to master the art of curriculum development and craft a really badass and flexible English curriculum for my school that many teachers can use in the future. I’d like to differentiate like a pro, which is easier said than done, am I right fellow teachers?! The struggle is real, haha. I’d like at least 25% of my students to shock and amaze me with their rapid progress by the end of June 2017. It would please me to get a parent message of thanks regarding a student’s ability. I’d also like one more thing, although it’s a hard sell and probably won’t happen, but a girl can dream – I’d like my form group (homeroom class) to develop an open mind and become mature. I’d like them to not depend on their parents or teachers for everything. I’d like them to be humble and thankful for opportunities and experiences. I’d like them to be good and decent people who think deeply and help each other instead of walk all over each other to get ahead in life. I guess I’d like at least 10% of my kids to be this way… I hope that’s not asking too much. And how will I get here? I’ll work damn hard because I’m a damn hard worker!

I’ve had people in the past tell me to stop caring so much and to stop working so hard because I’ll burn out, but this is how I am. I care so much and take everything so hard because it makes me feel like I’m being useful. I work as hard as I can so that my vacations and breaks are super meaningful and well-deserved. I teach so hard and care so much that at the end of most days, I’m exhausted… and I don’t mind this feeling as long as my students impress and inspire me and I see some of these goals happen.

My reality is a good one and I’m very happy. As I sit here, I have one and a half more days of holiday before I go back to work on Monday. As thankful as I am that I can sleep in tomorrow and eat junk food and watch YouTube all day, I can’t wait for Monday… and that makes me happy, and also feel like a damn good teacher!

Until next time,

Sarah the teaching Wun 

The Adventures of Moses

Hi, I’m Moses. I’ve been living with the Wuns since February and I’m having a blast! Don’t get me wrong, there have been obstacles along the way, but the Wuns are so patient and helping me recover from my street days.

When I lived on the streets, I was always very nervous. I heard lots of loud and scary noises and could have been run over many times by all these crazy motorized scooters! The winters were really cold and I didn’t like being outside left all alone with no cuddles.

I was found in the rain by a really wonderful woman who rescued me from the chilly, wet outdoors. She took me in and I had to get used to being around a lot of animals all day every day. I think this nice lady helped many animals which is so wonderful but I wished that I got more attention because I’m needy like that. How can I help wanting belly rubs? They feel so good!

One day, I got to stay outside of the room with all the animals and didn’t have to wear my cone. I hate my cone! I can’t chew on my body when I’m wearing that stupid cone. I was really excited to run around the entire house and get lots of pets from the rescuer and her husband. Then the doorbell rang and I was over the moon excited! I ran to the door and two giant strangers came in. I was afraid that they would hit me or yell at me like on the streets. The man bent down and gave me a really nice rub on my head so I sat by him the whole time they were there. The woman just kept smiling at me and I could feel that I was safe.

I got in a really fast and crazy car with these two nice people. I arrived at a new sniffing ground and didn’t know what to think. It took me a few weeks to feel safe and even then I was always afraid that they would leave me out in the wet and cold like what happened before. 

These people are really nice but I wish they would just give me all their food. The man is always in the kitchen and makes good smells. I want to eat these smells but he glares at me when I ask (bark) for food. I wonder why. Maybe I’m not asking (barking) loud enough.

The woman always sternly calls me name when I bite myself. I personally don’t see how it’s any of her business. It does hurt though. She sprays me with some stuff that really hurts but then soothes me. I growl at her but I still love her.

The woman also gives me these big yellow pills every day and gets really happy when I eat them. I like when she’s happy so I’ll continue to eat them.

The Wuns went away for so long! It was only a weekend but why didn’t they take me?! I went to a big, scary place with lots of medicine and people in white coats. I had to sleep in a big, ugly, scary room with no soft blankets. I miss sleeping next to the man and woman in their big, comfortable bed!

Now I have to wear my cone 24 hours a day. The doctor looked concerned and I have to eat many pills – they taste really bad and I wish they were like the yellow pills but they’re not. There are many cab rides but I haven’t seen the Wuns in a week. Do they not like me anymore? Will I ever see them again? Where are my mom and dad? I wish I had a home.

The rescuer and I are at a familiar apartment. My tail is wagging and I’m excited that I might see nice people again. The woman opens the door and I jump on her. She’s really happy and gives me lots of rubs. She doesn’t take off my cone so I’m mad at her. I’m really happy to be back with the Wuns. The man takes lots of pictures of me – maybe I’m cute after all.

I’m not allowed to sleep in their bed anymore. The had to wash all their sheets because of the Alopecia everywhere. The woman uses a scary machine that makes noise and eats up all of the hair I lose everywhere. I don’t like this machine. She seems frustrated and sighs when she pets me and all my hair comes off.

The woman tries to feed me pills – 5 of them! I try growling signaling that she should stop because I don’t like it, but she continues. I try baring my teeth but she continues. I snap and try to bite her and this seems to work. The man comes in and looks angry. He grabs me and sits me down and the woman makes me take the pills. I don’t like the Wuns anymore, but I still love them and am happy to have a warm place to sleep and water in my bowl. I hate my food though because it isn’t the same as what they eat and I want their food all the time.

I’m starting to get really frustrated by this cone. It’s hard for the Wuns to pet me and I keep walking in to walls and getting caught everywhere. The woman laughs at me but I don’t think it’s funny. I’ve snapped and tried to bite her a lot because I’m frustrated. The other day she cried and didn’t want to come near me. I’m really sad and scared now because what if they get rid of me? I’m not nice anymore and I’m so irritable. I don’t like lying next to them because I’m so itchy and they won’t let me scratch. What if I go back to the big, scary place?

About four weeks have passed and I feel so much better! My foster parents pet me all the time and don’t use the scary machine as much because my hair doesn’t fall out as much. I also don’t have pink and red patches all over my body any more because the Alopecia is clearing up. Maybe they’ll keep me now because I’m nicer. I appreciate the pills now because the woman takes off the cone when she feeds them to me and she also gives me pets in between and doesn’t cry when I’m a little growly. I guess she can finally hear me when I say (bark) “Please be gentle and give me time to swallow each pill.”

Even though I don’t get to sleep in my foster parents’ bed, I have a new bed and it’s so comfortable and all mine! No one else sleeps in my bed and I know when to go there at night when my foster parents go in the big bed. I wonder if they know that during the day when they leave me, I climb into the big bed and stay there all day! I’m such a clever and sneaky dog. I think they’d be okay with it though. I get to lie wherever I want all day just not at nighttime now. I think maybe my hair gets everywhere at night, I don’t know.

When foster mama is on her computer and very busy, I love that she stills lets me cuddle up beside her and she belly rubs me for hours. I’ve never had constant belly rubs like this before! I love the Wuns! I hope they never leave me. I hate every morning because I know they’ll leave for the day, but they always come back and shower me with love and rubs. They also make sure I eat and never go hungry. 

I’ve gained a lot of weight and foster mama doesn’t pet me cautiously anymore because I have meat on my bones!

Sometimes I’m just trying to lie down and rest and foster mama will smile at me and give me hugs. I never do anything special but she still smiles and says “Awwww, Moses!” I think this means that she loves me. Maybe someone will love me forever one day. Will my foster parents love me forever? I hope that when they talk about the Wun family, I’m part of it.

Woof woof,

Moses