The Next Chapter... hello again Shanghai

The ups and downs of starting a new job

It’s been a roller coaster of emotions beginning my new job. Bernard is extremely happy at his school, doing exactly what he wants to be doing. I, on the other hand, have been dealt a different deal and it’s been tough to say the least. Not only have I had to adjust my teaching style and plans, but I’ve also had to grapple with coming into a brand new school and starting from scratch in every sense of the word. I kind of wanted to be done with starting afresh, but as much as it’s scary and stressful, it’s also kind of fun and feels cool to be a part of something brand new.

Some really awesome things about my job are that there are only 65 students so far and I get to teach them all! I love that I see and teach all of the students every day and therefore I know all of the students in the school – I know this won’t be the reality for long, but for now I’m soaking up all the perks of this, like consistent communication and ensuring that all students have the same English instruction because I am THE English teacher. Because I’m the only English teacher, I am also the head of the English department, which is both badass and scary at the same time. I can use my curriculum design experience to build the English curriculum from the ground up. I was planning on using some of my old resources and adapting them to this environment, but because the English levels of my current students are so drastically different than my last kids, it’s kind of impossible to use the same curricular materials.

I absolutely love my colleagues! They are wonderful and we are such a small and tight-knit staff that it makes things even better that we all get along and work well together. Communication is a lot easier when you only have a 10 teacher staff.

I have my own big, beautiful classroom, which is super cool! I know not all teachers can say this, so I don’t take this fact for granted. I am so happy to be able to decorate and take full command of my classroom.

As much as some of the other staff complains about it, the lunch is amazing! We have the option of “upgrading” to a “special” meal and I’ve grown accustomed to the Korean bibimbamp! It’s delicious and full of veggies. I could honestly get used to eating this every day for the rest of the semester. I really hope they haven’t gotten rid of it since I’ve been on vacation! Haha. Knowing my luck, it’ll be long gone by Monday.

I get to teach dance and yoga classes as extra-curricular, which not only lets the students do something nonacademic, but also gives me an excuse to work out at work! I love to dance and yoga sustains me! I need yoga to survive, I swear – and I do yoga club on Fridays at lunch so all of my stress that I’ve built up over the week, I can sweat and stretch out during this time!

For the most part, I have support. I feel fairly supported and like the other teachers are consistent and have my back. Again, having such a small school makes communication and consistency much easier than in a school of thousands!

Because this isn’t Heaven on Earth or anything, there are multiple obstacles and struggles I’ve had to deal with since starting at my new job as well. (I’ll spare you the administrative and visa process struggles because those are boring and frankly come with any new job overseas). The first and biggest one being that I’m teaching something completely different than what I was told. I was told I’d be doing English including literature and the works. I was told my students would be proficient English language speakers and writers. I was told I wouldn’t have discipline issues and I’d be able to use my resources from my old job – like the lesson plan covering non-linear texts and video games! This was my perception.

This is reality.

The majority of my students are beginner and basic English language learners at best. Most if not all of my students haven’t been in an International school environment before. Most of the students were taught English by a local Chinese teacher in the past, and therefore have never had a foreign teacher teach them their classes in English. Most of my students have a hard time spelling words that any teacher would consider basic (pencil, snack, school) and therefore – yes this is an assumption but an informed one! – have a hard time reading and writing in general. All the planning and resource collecting that I did the two weeks prior to my students arriving was useless and has literally not informed any of my actual plans. I teach from a grammar textbook more than I’d like to because I have to in order to build a foundation of English, which I thought was supposed to be built way before sixth grade! I teach phonics, which I make fun because I’m me but is actually painful and makes me feel like I teach in a training center.

Sad reality: I’ve been “angry” for the better part of my teaching time so far and it’s just October now. I’ve had to yell and get mean and scary more than once, which I hate doing, especially at the beginning of the year. I’ve doubted myself on countless occasions. I’ve wanted to quit on more than one occasion. I’ve cried hysterically under my office desk and said, “I can’t do this” repeatedly. I’ve apologized for things that I don’t need to be sorry for. I’ve made mistakes on a daily basis and feel bad about it. I’ve had to deal with behavior issues that have caused parent calls before the end of the first week of classes! I already have a student on probation. I have felt helpless and powerless and like I can’t do this job already and I hate that feeling. I’ve had Abu Dhabi flashbacks (!!!!!!!!!!!!) I’ve questioned my career path. I’ve been jealous of my husband for being way happier than I am at work. I’ve felt ashamed for being sad and inflicting that on my husband. I’ve covered just how upset and disappointed I am in my job in order to spare my husband. I sometimes feel like I’ve made a mistake leaving my old job….

Happy reality: At least half of my students are fairly sweet and really want to learn English. At least half of my students make me smile and laugh and love what I do. At least half of my students are forgetful but precious and feel bad when they aren’t prepared for my class. After 3-4 weeks of teaching, I’ve discovered that hell yes I can do this and it excites me how far I’ve come! I have established rules and routines in my classroom that at least half of my students respect and follow. I’m happy and love teaching so much that I could literally be teaching feminist banana peeling to babies and I’d be thrilled because this is the best job in the world and I get to do it and be paid for it!

Super happy reality: That paycheck though. Finally my Master’s has counted for something and my education and experience is being appreciated in the form of dolla dolla bills, and even though I wish this wasn’t the case, I’m doing this partly for financial reasons. Why else would I be in a place where I can’t just walk out my front door, travel a short distance, and hug my mom?! I have to airplane for at least 13 hours and skirt through multiple time zones to hug my mom and that’s huge to me, so hell yes if I need a good paycheck to deal with that fact.

What’s coming up? Positive vibes, more self-reflection and realization that I really was born to be a teacher and giddiness at the thought of my weak students soaring through and sharing some badass English skills with me that will delight me more than a vegan chocolate cake!

Actually, something like that has already happened!

One of my English students at the beginning of the year was extremely weak. In class, she would sit and stare at me and guess at my gestures and foreign words. I spoke slowly and simply but she never really seemed to get it. After a few placement assessments, I came to the conclusion that she needed supplemental English help, so I put her on the list of students to be pulled from Music or Drama class for extended English (this has been a life saver and such a necessity at our school – it means that kids get English class sometimes more than once a day!!!!) and she’s not only been doing well, but she’s actually surpassing some of the other students! She told the supplemental teacher that she understands me fine and that it was a mistake to put her in the extended class. Mistake or not, having her come to the realization that she a) needs to pull up her socks because Ms. Wun thinks she doesn’t understand and she’s weak in class; and b) has the confidence to reflect on and confront her English abilities, is amazing! I’m so thrilled that she puts her heart and soul into every one of my classes. Her hand is always in the air ready to participate, which surprises me every time. She’s even started smiling and waving at me in the halls. On a more personal and less academic note, she’s in my dance class and therefore we’ve developed a special bond that goes beyond English language learning. She’s a great dancer who picks up on movements and rhythms very quickly. She’s translated this skill into her English class and therefore can learn things quite fast as long as they aren’t too difficult.

I’m still working on getting her confidence up to ask me questions when she doesn’t understand things in class, but I’m just so happy that I’ve already seen progress in one “weak” student. It gives me hope that more students will make leaps and bounds and become capable language learners who can not only have a conversation with me and the other teachers, but also want to have these conversations that most timid, basic language learners fear the most.

So as much as there have been new struggles (some of which I haven’t mentioned because, to be honest, I’d prefer to forget the struggles and focus on the positives), there have also been new and amazing challenges that have excited me and made me feel proud to be a teacher in a new and nerve-wracking environment.

So my goals this year? I’d like to master the art of curriculum development and craft a really badass and flexible English curriculum for my school that many teachers can use in the future. I’d like to differentiate like a pro, which is easier said than done, am I right fellow teachers?! The struggle is real, haha. I’d like at least 25% of my students to shock and amaze me with their rapid progress by the end of June 2017. It would please me to get a parent message of thanks regarding a student’s ability. I’d also like one more thing, although it’s a hard sell and probably won’t happen, but a girl can dream – I’d like my form group (homeroom class) to develop an open mind and become mature. I’d like them to not depend on their parents or teachers for everything. I’d like them to be humble and thankful for opportunities and experiences. I’d like them to be good and decent people who think deeply and help each other instead of walk all over each other to get ahead in life. I guess I’d like at least 10% of my kids to be this way… I hope that’s not asking too much. And how will I get here? I’ll work damn hard because I’m a damn hard worker!

I’ve had people in the past tell me to stop caring so much and to stop working so hard because I’ll burn out, but this is how I am. I care so much and take everything so hard because it makes me feel like I’m being useful. I work as hard as I can so that my vacations and breaks are super meaningful and well-deserved. I teach so hard and care so much that at the end of most days, I’m exhausted… and I don’t mind this feeling as long as my students impress and inspire me and I see some of these goals happen.

My reality is a good one and I’m very happy. As I sit here, I have one and a half more days of holiday before I go back to work on Monday. As thankful as I am that I can sleep in tomorrow and eat junk food and watch YouTube all day, I can’t wait for Monday… and that makes me happy, and also feel like a damn good teacher!

Until next time,

Sarah the teaching Wun