DAY THREE: ELEPHANTS!
After a good night’s rest, we woke up early to make our way
to a farm to feed elephants! As I climbed out of bed SHIVERING, I couldn’t help
but notice that I was still cold in Thailand… damn it! We layered up and went
down to the lobby to wait for our driver. It was so cold and so rainy that he
even called to ask if we wanted to cancel because the conditions prevented us
from doing many activities with the elephants like swimming. Since we were only
in Thailand for one more day (and we flew out tomorrow), we said we didn’t have
a choice and therefore went to the farm hoping for the best but expecting ugly
weather and potentially uncomfortable conditions (mud and such).
Only two other people came with us – I guess most of the
customers canceled on account of the weather – and they were from Alberta. We
bonded over our Canadian heritage on the way to the farm.
Arguably the most entertaining part of the entire day was
our guide, James. He was a cute little old Thai man who, upon picking us up
from our hotel, said “Are you ready to rock and roll?” and I loved him
immediately. He was absolutely hilarious and I guess a little offensive if you
offend easily. He called me Bernard’s ball and chain but said I was the best
ball and chain, haha. He also told us this joke about three moms each with different
colored hair. The brunette mom found alcohol in her daughter’s room, the black
haired mom found drugs in her daughter’s room (or something like that, I’m not
too sure). I only remember the punchline. The blonde mom found condoms in her
daughter’s room and said “She must have a dick”! When he said dick, naturally I
laughed my ass off. I really wasn’t expecting this cute old man to tell such
crude jokes. Yeah, he was a tad inappropriate. He asked us and the other couple
how often we “burn the midnight oil” to which we all just laughed awkwardly.
His euphemism for the word fat was “cuddly” and he kept calling the one guy in
our party cuddly because he wasn’t gangly like the rest of us. After like the
800th time calling him cuddly, I think he actually started to get
pissed!
Whenever James saw something he didn’t approve of, he would
say “I might have to kick his ass. ‘Get on a bike!’” I think “Get on a bike” is
his expression for eff you… and he said it a lot. “I tell my boss to get on a
bike! (laughs)”. Oh James, I miss your awkward constant use of idiomatic
language and borderline sketchy demeanor.
On the way to the farm, James told us some stories about
Thai politics because it was the Princess’ birthday, so there was a while where
all traffic was stopped and we wanted to know why. He was saying that the
Princess often did things like this and how he wished people could just go
about their life without interruptions.
When we finally arrived at the farm, we saw elephants in the
distance and got giddy! We got some ugly ass clothes to change into, bags of
small bananas, peanuts and sugar cane to feed the elephants with, and we were
off. We walked around the grounds and came to the elephants. James gave us some
information about them before we approached them. There were four. To be
honest, I don’t remember all of their names, but the mama and baby were Nana
and Chopper. Chopper was crazy and had crazy eyes! James warned us not to tease
or intimidate any of the elephants but especially Chopper. He said once that
some guy wasn’t listening and teasing Chopper by pretending to play-fight with
him. Chopper got excited and head-butted the guy in the chest and broke one of
his ribs! After this story, I was cool with keeping my distance from Chopper!
Crazy elephant…
Elephants are really cool animals. They eat all day
constantly and are actually quite sweet. We fed them for a while (I was pretty
timid and didn’t get too close, but Bernard was all up in there. He even fed
Chopper and had to push him away a few times because his crazy eyes were
lighting up). Luckily, Chopper was tied to his mama and James explained that
the reason for that was because Chopper was so young and often ran away from
Nana. Nana would get nervous and scream out for her baby and so the only option
was to give Chopper a sort of leash so Nana could control him. Also, it kept
the crazy ass from head-butting anyone!
We then got to walk with the elephants up a hill to where
the workers make medicine for them. It was really cute! Because it was so cold
there and the elephants weren’t used to it, one of the elephants refused to
walk in the water because he was so chilly. He was shivering and walking along
the road, and when the time came for him to have to cross a river, he squealed
and ran across, lifting his legs high so he wouldn’t touch the water for too
long. This made me laugh a little. Then once on dry land, he was happy. Haha!
Clearly, we didn’t swim with the elephants. James said that
every farm visit is different because it all depends on the elephants. They
don’t force the elephants to do anything and so if the elephants don’t feel
like doing something, it won’t be done. I liked this! A lot of places in
Thailand let you ride elephants and watch them do tricks and stuff. This place
didn’t. The elephants did say “thank you” (they bowed after being fed) but for
the most part, they just got to chill and we enjoyed their company.
After feeding the elephants medicine, we let them roam
around while we ate lunch. I was happy to sit and eat some nice warm food. We
were all freezing cold and this made us a little less social. I think our
experience would have been a lot better if we were warmer and the weather was
compliant, but what can you do. Bernard and I still smiled the whole time! (As
we do!)
The day was fun. At the end of the “tour”, we went back to
the little hut and hung out by a fire one of the dudes built. James told us
stories and flipped his eyelids to freak me out… naturally. He then told us
that his niece lived in Toronto so we bonded over all our Canada knowledge.
Then James leaned over to Bernard and said “You get me ball and chain from
Canada? I want brown hair, blue eyes, big nose only.” Hahaha! We all had a
laugh and then headed back into town.
Day three was a success. When we got back to the hotel, we
cleaned up and hit the town again for another massage at a different Lila
massage branch. As if this one was better than the last! Bernard and I got a
private room and enjoyed lovely sounds of babbling brooks and pan flute this time!
I love Thailand.
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