Bathroom Reflections

So I’m sitting in a mall bathroom in Shanghai, sweating and shaking and not having a good time; and yet, despite how intestinally awful I feel, I can’t help but feel grateful for the fact that I’m sitting on a western style toilet and there are many stalls to choose from so I don’t need to worry about someone needing my stall. I can take my time and be in as much pain as I need to be in at the moment. There’s also a toilet paper dispenser in this bathroom, and it’s full! You don’t see that often in China! I constantly have tissues in my purse for these occasions because more than half of the time, I know the bathrooms won’t be sufficiently stocked with necessities such as toilet paper or soap or toilet seats.

I hear a little girl singing as her grandma takes her to the toilet and it makes me smile. As I sit in pain and breathe through it all, I gaze around at the wooden walls that are keeping me and my suffering private, and I’m thankful. I look up and read the back of the door, “avoid the jams, please put the papers in the cask.” I wonder where the origin of the word cask comes from and who uses that term. I wonder if it's even a word or just another fabulous translation errors that I see so much here. To the right, the toilet paper holder boasts being full of quality eco-friendly tissue and there’s a picture of a kuala bear hugging a roll of toilet paper.

As I sit here I am proud of my body for being able to handle what it has been put through these past few years overseas, and I wonder if this isn’t all just something I should do without. I wonder if my IBS can’t handle being overseas and if I should just go back home where all the toilets are western and the stalls always have toilet paper and locks on the doors. Where the majority of the food is poison-free and high quality. Where I can trust meal preparation and fresh vegetables. Where I can easily access probiotics and stomach medicine.

Then I think about Monday. On Monday, I start orientation for my dream job. I will finally get to teach IB English to middle school students in China. I will have the amazing opportunity to design my own curriculum and my own assessments and have my very own students who will undoubtedly love me. I think about that and I know this is all worth it.

And then the pain subsides, even for a minute or so, and I can go distract myself with the hustle and bustle of the mall on a weekend, and a peach flavoured water that Bernard is currently seeking out for me to help ease the weakness in my tummy.

Wow, this actually worked. I was so caught up in writing down what was happening during my flare that my mind wandered away from the pain in my side and I managed to breathe through it and calm down!!! 

Yeah, I can do this. With a little patience and a little love, my body and I will be just fine.