DAY ONE/TWO:
A billion stupid flights later we arrived safely and
drowsily in Vietnam. We immediately went to bed because it was so early in the
morning/late at night that we were delusional. The next day, we were extremely
happy to sleep in! It was impossible to sleep in during our short vacation in
Cambodia because we had so much temple to see! We slept late and rose early, so
the first morning in DaNang was reserved for a blissful coma. Besides, the
weather was cold and stupid. Not again! We really were cursed with bad weather
pretty much throughout our trip. I really didn’t mind the “cold” weather in
Cambodia because it just meant we weren’t sweltering! But I was looking forward
to taking a dip in the ocean and lying on the beach. Nope… too cold.
The first day, we eventually got up and started perusing the
area. Nothing was open! We almost forgot that it was Chinese New Year and in
Vietnam, I guess they celebrate too. Literally nothing was open and it was
creepily deserted. It was still very peaceful and we enjoyed the solitude, so
we walked around for a while looking for a little café to perch and relax.
After walking for 4 years, we finally found a coffee shop recommended by a
friend: Cong Coffee! The place was decorated to look like a hollowed out war
bunker and the décor was super cool and historical. We immediately enjoyed it.
However, the service was terrible because it was really busy and this just
reminded us of home, which was stressful. We got drinks 18 centuries after we
ordered, but the drinks were incredible! Bernard got an iced coffee slushy
thing made with coconut milk! It was absolute heaven. Like, I can taste it now
and I’m writing this blog 3 months later. I got a ginger tea, and I must say,
Vietnam knows ginger tea! Now as a herbal tea drinker and an 85 year old bodied
woman, I know my grandma/medicinal teas and this was hardcore gingery which is
just how I like it! It punched me in the face with ginger! I mean,
realistically, it did take about 45 minutes to come out, so they were probably
steeping it and boiling the ginger for that long – worth it! Also, we ordered
this item called mungbean cake because we assumed it would be disgusting and
that would make for a great picture and story, but it was absolutely delicious!
Cong Coffee… your food and drink impressed me… nothing else did.
When we got back to the hotel after hours of trekking into
the city, we decided to research romantic restaurants and treat ourselves for
dinner. We stumbled upon a restaurant close to our hotel called Lam Vien.
Buckle up your seatbelts for this review…
A colonoscopy in the middle of the night by a grizzly bear.
Being chokeslammed into a billion upright knives by
Godzilla.
Throwing up into your own face.
Endlessly listening to “I try” by Macy Gray.
Working at Al Nahda forever.
All of these are better than the night we had at Lam Vien!!
I don’t really want to recount the details because I’m stewing in anger
thinking about it, but I will briefly by leaving Bernard’s review of it that he
wrote on TripAdvisor:
Reviewed February 13, 2016
My wife
looked up romantic, fine dining restaurants in Da Nang and she came across this
... place.
To avoid getting into a confused and spiralling rage from remembering the
absolute travesty that was our evening here, we're simply going to number the
pros and cons of our evening.
Pros:
1. The bar; since we had to wait for just under two hours, we decided to set up
camp at the bar and it was fairly pleasant (although we noticed that other
waiting diners did not feel the same – one woman ordered a bottle of white wine
and asked for it to be brought up to her table; by the time she came down to
remind a server about her white wine, the ice in the bucket had turned to
water).
Cons (here we go):
1. We were told the wait would be 30 minutes (no problem, it *was* Tet holiday
after all and admittedly, we didn't have a reservation), but we waited for
almost two hours. Also, although they were understandably busy, nobody had the
courtesy to come check in with us as a, "Hey, we remember you're here
because you're a customer and we care about you!" My wife had to go and
stand at reception to remind them that we hadn't left and were still patiently
waiting.
2. When we *did* finally get a table, it was changed from what I can only
imagine to be the more intimate setting of the second floor to the busy,
hectic, family friendly first floor, plopped in the middle of the room when
there were plenty of other tables that were at least a bit secluded and
intimate.
3. When we were seated, the table was not set and smelled strongly of off-brand
cleaning supply. What a great way to whet one's appetite! We didn't get eating
utensils until our first main course arrived.
4. We had to wait for what seemed like an eternity before a server even made
eye contact with us. We finally managed to order some food.
5. The food was so underwhelming considering the price we paid. We ordered
grilled squid with chilli salt, cashew chicken, and some sort of four dish
appetizer which they were out of and neglected to tell us until after we
received the cashew chicken (mains come first at this restaurant???). The
manager offered to change it to their Lam Vien Spring Rolls, and we agreed.
6. The "grilled" squid with chilli salt had a surprising absence of
anything that resembled chilli salt. What we *did* get was a lemony, sweet
chilli sauce (which reminded me of something I would maybe get from Red
Lobster). The squid was unevenly "grilled" and I'm fairly convinced
that it wasn't even grilled. This was very disappointing as this was my wife's
first time eating squid and people rave about the seafood in Da Nang ...
7. The cashew chicken was only average at best, but came with a blow your socks
off price tag. Hum.
8. Because they were out of the four dish appetizer, they offered to replace it
with their special Lam Vien Spring Rolls. No problem! Oh wait! Except for the
fact that it didn't show up at all during the course of the meal. The only
reason we got to even taste their spring rolls was because as my wife and I
sat, twiddling our thumbs after two disappointing mains, a server came up and
asked us if all our food had arrived. My wife replied with tears brimming in
her eyes, "No." Then the manager who was passing by and overheard
said, "Really?" walked towards the kitchen, picked up a plate of
spring rolls that had clearly been sitting out since the start of this journey,
and gave it to us. Of all the dishes, this was probably the most flavourful,
but we didn't originally order it nor did it come before the mains, which is
what an appetizer is supposed to do. It was also stone cold because that's what
happens when you forget an appetizer for the course of an entire meal.
9. The bill, if you can believe it, came to just under 600,000 VND. Now, I
understand that prices are inflated in Vietnam and it was the Tet holiday, and
this is supposed to be fine dining, but considering the lack of service, the
poor quality of the food, and the general absence of a romantic atmosphere
(which Lam Vien is advertised as!), we felt robbed both emotionally and
financially.
Overall, there was basically nothing pleasant about our evening. We understand
that it was the Tet holiday and restaurants are short staffed, food quality may
be harder to control because perhaps the seasoned chefs are on vacation. But,
if you run a restaurant that charges 195,000 VND for a grilled squid, there are
certain expectations in terms of service and food quality that comes with that.
Maybe, as a restauranteur, if you're aware that it's Tet holiday, don't tell
potential customers that it'll only be a 30 minute wait. Instead, tell your
customers, "Sorry, it's Tet. We're all booked up, you don't have a
reservation, we won't be able to seat you tonight. Would you like to make a
reservation for tomorrow evening?" If that's what we were told, we would
have gladly made a reservation and probably have been spared the horror of the
evening.
We felt like we were an imposition to the restaurant. Unfortunately, because of
our experience that evening, we can't in good conscience give a favourable
review. My wife described the dining experience as akin to a bad breakup.
Lam Vien, you really dropped the ball with this couple.
So after a deathly
terrible dinner, we dejectedly walked home but stopped at the beach to get our
giggles out about just how awful the evening was and how generally
disappointing the day was.
We then paused for a moment to remember Cambodia. Some
people there didn’t have toilets for crying out loud! What was I doing
complaining about a few shops being closed and a shitty restaurant experience?!
At least I got fed! We had a good laugh and picked up some snacks on the way
back to the hotel. We found Spiderman 2 or 3 --
I don’t remember… it was the one where Tobey McGuire was emo, which I couldn’t
handle, so I rage quit life and went to bed.
The next day we woke up to sunshine! We were a little too
happy about it and I think I looked like Julie Andrews skipping across the
mountain in
The Sound of Music as we
leisurely strolled to a cute little café/diner called “An’s deli”. This became
a favourite spot for the rest of the trip. I think we went back at least three
times in 3 days. We had a beautiful little breakfast, read for a bit, and then
went back to the hotel to rent some bikes. Every time we wanted to rent a bike,
they only had one – even though there were like 5… lying was a reminder yet
again of home so we were stressed out once again! Nevertheless, I told Bernard
to rent the bike and I’d run like a jackass alongside of him. He insisted that
I perch on the back like a howler monkey and we biked along the boardwalk of
the beach.
After biking around the beach area, I had a raging sunburn
that wouldn’t quit, but I didn’t even care because I was so happy to be warm!
Warmth! Something I hadn’t felt in months!!
We soaked up as much sun and warmth as possible and chilled
on the beach. I rented a chair to sit in but Bernard refused to pay for one and
built a “Sand chair” that he lovingly refered to as “Sand chaise”. He even
spelled that out on the back of it in seashells. I think it goes without saying
that everyone on the beach was staring at him… it was awesome. I had a good
laugh when he couldn’t get all the sand off of him and I was sand-free because
of my rental chair. HAH! Good times.
It was getting late when we finally tidied up all the sand
off of us from the beach and we decided to scope out dinner. I could have
licked the ground and it would have been a better experience than Lam Vien…
more like LAME Vien! Am I right? Anyway…
We had dinner at “Soc Trang” which was questionable but
fine. Then we went back to An’s deli for an after dinner tea and cake and
bought a pineapple for breakfast. The cashew nut brownie I got at An’s was so
good I completely forgot about my sunburn and our miserable luck for most of
the trip. We were happy again!
I booked a cooking class in another town because we had a
coupon so we got up early and did that. Bernard was feeling pretty rough on
this day, but he was a hero and got through the class. The cooking class was
okay but not as good as the one we did in Thailand which was a blast! My point
of contention with the class was mostly the fact that they wouldn’t take my
coupon! Also the class was cut short because it was a holiday. I kind of
flipped out at the poor woman at the counter when we had to pay. Our guide for
the class had peaced out at this point and I was enraged at the lack of
service. Maybe I was foolish to compare it to any of the perfect hospitality we
got in Cambodia… this is the problem with traveling so much… you cannot help
but compare! 
