GOOD MORNING, with love, your unwanted tenants!!!!

Listen,
I can handle most bugs.
I've seen a centipede in the shower... no big.... I just remained dirty for a period of time.
Spiders have crawled across the floor of my house, across the arm of my sweater... no big... I just flick them away and tell them gently to leave me the hell alone.
Ants... bitch, I destroy their universe with the tip of my finger. No big.

But... but... this is where my story could get graphic for those of you with bug fears.
This is no bug I'm dealing with. This is satan's spawn. I promise you.

This morning I decided to stay in bed for another 30 minutes as work is dying down and I don't have to sign in as early. Bernard still does, unfortunately, but he told me to stay in bed so I did. I thought the universe was aligned. I thought no negative thoughts. I was nestled lovely in my stiff, hard, but reasonable bed in my Abu Dhabi apartment. The air conditioning was on. The blankets were covering me. I was happy -- snug as a bug in a rug. Snug as a BUG. NOT SNUG! BUGS!!!!!

So I'm legit sleeping, okay? And I feel a tickle on my arm. I shake. I feel another tickle so I open my eyes and see a giant black dot scurry off my arm. I'MAWAKE! So I get up, making a "MMMAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" like whining noise and turn on the light. Bernard is like "What's wrong?" and sees me cowering by the light. That's when I said something I thought I'd NEVER have to say:

Bernard: Is it a spider?
Me: I WISH!

I wish. Who wishes for a damn spider?!?!?! SOMEONE WHO HAS A ROACH IN THEIR BED, THAT'S WHO!

Jesus, as I type, I'm darting my eyes all over the apartment for these fuckers. I see nothing. Hopefully there was just one. OH WAIT NO!

You see, this wasn't a cute fuck cute, roaches are never cute baby bug. This was a giant "check out my pores and fear my wrath" kind of bug. It was just standing all mighty in place in the far left side of our bed where it crawled, I maintain, FROM THE SLEEVE OF MY JAMAS! I told Bernard that "that thing came out of me!!!!" and he was like "What do you mean came OUT of you? It came from the bed" and I said "THAT'S WORSE!!!"

Currently, our bed spreads are soaking in hot water. I plan on remaining on HIGH alert for the duration of our stay in Abu Dhabi.

Fun fact: If you come to Abu Dhabi, come for a visit so you'll be in a gorgeous hotel (the hotels here, at least the ones we've experienced, are out of this world beautiful, amazing, CLEAN, and worth it). Do not live here. You'll be in an ass apartment where roaches will party around you.

Listen, I've come to terms with the 1am raves in the kitchen. Go for it roaches. They know that once the lights come on, they peace FOREVER. I've come to terms with seeing the odd roach dart from one dark corner to the next. Cool... as long as you plan on being killed by my FEARLESS husband, you son of a bitch. I've come to terms with roaches in the Middle East. What I REFUSE to come to terms with is a ROACH ON. MY. ARM.

How DARE you touch me?
And to answer your question, yes, I am just freshly out of the shower. OBVIOUSLY! I had ROACH on me.

For those of you STILL wondering why I'm so .______o about this situation, I must clarify some facts about the cockroach:

#1. The cockroach is the ugliest motherfucking bug in the history of the universe.
#2. Cockroaches are VERY hard to kill.
#3. Cockroaches are fast and furious.
#4. Cockroaches are intelligent and badass and thus never leave.
#5. Cockroaches are sexually active. They are always producing and if you find one, there's consequently a million more. Always.
#6. Cockroaches are ugly.
#7. There's a reason Canadians love being Canadian. When has your ass last seen a cockroach? I know they exist in Canada, but not as much as here, I imagine. If I had a dirham for all the roaches I've seen in this country, I'd have about 54. 54 is too many!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also, they do NOT look like this:

I wish.

Like I said before, they are the spawn of satan, so naturally, this is the beast I often see:

Holy shit, I just did a google image search and cried. I can't even post a picture. My mother sees this! She'll be scarred!!! 

Alas, if you want to see a roach, google the Papa Roach album cover and there's a roach on the front. A small, unMiddle Eastern roach so it's not an adequate depiction of the satanic beast I talk about, but still.

Let's pretend roaches look like that ^ and all is fine.

All I have to say is this: Bitch, I haaaate cockroaches. I can't even type the word without freaking out a bit. I have NO problem with most bugs, but if I see another one of these motherfuckers, I will have NO problem spending my year's savings in dirhams at a hotel for 3 weeks until we fly away from this roach infested apartment.

To be honest, I'm being super dramatic. Before this morning, I hadn't seen one worth commenting on in months... but SERIOUSLY. ON ME?!?!?! Traumatized.

Here's some cute cartoons to unscare you. Me? Well, I actually face the real deal, so unfortunately, I can't escape roachtopia. 

Stop your crying! I don't feel bad for you!!! Get OUT of my houuuuuuse! 

You aren't cute. You are this ---> 

Sorry if I scared you with this. If I can look at this face and not even flinch, I bet you can imagine just how scary roaches are! I won't even post a picture! SERIOUSLY!

Alright, I gotta go to work. Wish me luck that I an sleep tonight! :)

Yours,

Sarah "hates cockroaches so much she's willing to cut off her own arm to sell and earn enough money to pay for a hotel for every single night until she leaves" Wun

Walk like an Egyptian in South Sinai

In March 2013, Bernard and I were blessed with a lovely two week vacation from our screeching animals lovely students, and we decided to rock out 5 days in Dahab, Egypt! Dahab had been recommended to us by friends for its super relaxed atmosphere, friendly community, and wicked diving.

Now, I personally pee myself whenever someone mentions swimming deep into the ocean blue, but Bernard was excited about the prospects of seeing gorgeous coral and sea life, so we opted for a happy medium: snorkelling. It was bliss.

Here is a nice, brief picture slideshow of our gorgeous time in Dahab, South Sinai.

Once upon a time, there were two happy Canadians who really wanted to experience more Middle Eastern culture, so they decided Egypt was the perfect place. Since Cairo was (and I believe still is) being a grumpy grinch at the time, they ventured into the beautiful tropics of Dahab, a gorgeous slice of "Egyptian Hawaii" where the ex-pats dive and the locals drink Bedouin tea and happily discuss life with you.

Egyptian pounds

Sarah and Bernard eagerly hopped a plane to Sharm El-Sheikh, Egypt and then cabbed a few hours to the lovely secluded beauty that is Dahab. 

The Wuns aboard Egypt Air

On the plane, the two feasted on airplane food and took in the noise and the bumps of the turbulence. Upon arrival in Sharm El-Sheikh, in typical unpredictable fashion, their luggage had been put on a different plane... so they chilled in the airport for a few hours chatting with a lovely British woman who unfortunately had the same problem. The woman decided to just leave the airport and deal with her bags later. The Wuns, being so far from the hotel, had to wait it out. Our poor taxi driver had to wait SO long, but he understood as this kind of thing happened all the time. 

The next flight landed and Sarah and Bernard eagerly awaited their giant red suitcase come across the luggage spinny thing. Hooray! Big red was in view! Obstacle #1: mastered. Little did they know, this would not be the end of the series of unfortunate events in Egypt! Luckily, the happy couple was too happy to sadden and they hopped in the cab, Dahab bound. 

At the hotel, they were greeted by the lovely Mohamed -- just about the coolest bro I'd ever met. We'd later develop a very strong bound where we'd go from staff/guest to friend/friend. 

We enjoyed the hotel immensely. It was perfect. We also enjoyed the complimentary breakfast we got each morning. The gentleman cooking for us and serving us became a friend who was delighted by our simple happiness and easy going nature. 

The Ginger Room in Alf Leila Hotel. Seriously, if you want a gorgeous, authentic experience in Dahab, GO HERE. Go to Tripadvisor and see the ratings for yourself! I'm serious! Inexpensive, clean, beautiful, rustic, and the best staff I could ever ask for! Thinking of vacationing? Like to scub dive? I'm not suggesting, I'm DEMANDING you go to Dahab and stay at the Alf Leila Hotel. 

Beautiful shower with gorgeous architecture.

This was my first time sleeping under a mosquito net. I got tangled a few times. Bernard laughed. It was a really cool experience. I got NO mosquito bites! :) yay! Success.

Bernard cuddling up under the skeeto net.

I was obsessed with the bathroom. How beautiful is this?! You'd think we were in a 5 star mansion ass hotel!

Beautiful window panes that woke us up with happy sunlight each morning.

Each morning we had complimentary breakfast at the Leila bakery next door. There were many cats who greeted us and enjoyed our company as we leisurely enjoyed many Egyptian treats. 

Leila Bakery seating area. I loved the authenticity of it all! The sand, the relaxed atmosphere. It reminded me a bit of the hippie chic feel of Kelowna, BC. I miss you Kelowna!

Hand painted decor. We loved it. 

A common staple with most Middle Eastern meals -- tomatoes and cucumber. 

Each morning, it was impossible not to be hungry over the smells of the freshly baked breads and pastries in the bakery. That bread was beautiful and the jam it came with was even better. The butter tasted like fridge... so I stayed away from it. HAH! Also, a hard boiled egg for a dash of protein! 

Hey there cat!

We saw some goats cruising around.

Five minutes down the road from our hotel was the Dahab boardwalk. Every day we hit the boardwalk and enjoyed lots of "hellos!" from locals in the shops. We also experienced loads of "Please! Come! You must buy!" which was both sweet and pushy at the same time. Hey! When in Egypt, right? It did not bother us. I maintained my "No" face whereas Bernard was too sweet to not at least take a look at the menu/items in the shop. We very quickly became "that lovely Canadian couple". One dude actually shouted "Canada Dry never dies!" at us, which made me want a ginger ale. :P

One of the many beach side restaurants equipped with rustic hut-like umbrellas, shisha, Bedouin tea, and other drinks and bites.

On the second day in Dahab, we booked a tour of St. Catherine's monastery -- the oldest known monastery still in existence! We also booked a hike up Mount Sinai which is like 8 million feet high, or something. It took ALL day and we watched the sunset and hiked down at night. Craaaazy. 

A stop on the way to Mount Sinai

Bernard being a majestic boss.

The Bedouin folk gave us tea. It tasted like candy.

A Bedouin site. They solds items on the side of the road and gave us tea as incentive to buy.

St. Catherine's monastery.

Our friends in front of the monastery.

Me and the burning bush! 

An annoying cat who bit me because I was eating bread and pastries and it wanted some. Get your own you damn pest!

The hike begins.

18 steps in. I'm tired.

After one hour, we take a small rest.

Egyptian graffiti 

I thought this was the top. Not even close.

Let me remind you that this took ALL day, it was VERY steep, and the hot Arabian sun was beating down on us, hard.

Camel rock!

Sarah-sized! :)

Bernard tries to push over ancient stone.

A cute little Bedouin village halfway up. I also thought this was the top and got excited and then disappointed.

ArabsBeLike

Some pinecone thing that Bernard put in my bag -- I mean...

Bedouin camps

A mighty sunburn I got! This was about 3 hours in. I was quite tired.

THE TOP!

Bernard conquers Mount Sinai!

Our feeling about climbing.

Yessss!

A dog followed us up the mountain.

We named him Moses.

Bernard and Moses.

The sun sets

Our last picture until....

 Remember I said there were obstacles? Here's the biggest one we faced:
I fell down the goddamn mountain!!!!! Aka, I twisted my ankle really really bad and almost broke it. Luckily it was just a torn ligament, but the doctor insisted on a cast and unfortunately, our trip to the Blue Hole for a day of snorkelling was canceled. :( I felt TERRIBLE, but Bernard and I actually made it work. We still had a lot of fun in Dahab.

My nail polish matched my cast!

Still happy!

I love this! Coffee with an Arabian lamp cookie!

The cats were concerned.

See?

Amazing french toast.

Egyptian scrambled eggs

The cats entertaining us.

We went to the beach the next day so Bernard could snorkel while I read on the beach.

I made friends! I love how dogs detect pain. They laid with me as I recovered from my mountain injury... like a boss!

xoxoxox

Awww!

A night out on the boardwalk

Ready to rock!

Beauty

Egyptian beer

Giant hooka!

Mixed mezze

Another cat

The waves were tooooooooooooo hard for snorkelling :( We had little luck in this department

We still had fun.

ArabsBeLike

Koshary! Egyptian delicacy... it was like spaghetti and another million types of carbs. DELICIOUS!

Mousaka!

Yum.

Yummmm! Another delicious meal at Leila's bakery.

Don't worry!!!! The day before the mountain hike and injury, we LUCKILY went snorkelling! I lasted about 15 minutes. It was amaaaaaazing! We will be snorkelling again! :)

There's a first time for anything!

Battle scar! I got hurt a lot on this vacation!!! Haha. Worth it. We kept our positive attitude and were very zen about all obstacles we faced.

Lots of delicious food in Dahab! The fresh seafood was our favourite!

Ew

This is apparently the Egyptian way to wash one's hands.

 And that ends our Dahab slideshow. I hope you enjoyed our pictures. Until next time!
All our vacations are a blast, but this was our first international vacation as a married couple. It was challenging, rewarding, overwhelming, outstanding, and breathtaking. We ended up doing a lot of things we had never done before and discovering new strengths in ourselves. I'm so proud of how we overcame many obstacles (my bank card was also swallowed by a shady ATM... so that was fun...) but we came out happy, healthy, and refreshed ready to go back to work. The best part? We STILL had a week off! Excellent!

Your favourite adventurists, The Wuns!