My hour as a grade one student with a 6 year old teacher

Fatima: "Okay, we read today. BUT, I read to YOU. You sit quiet, okay? You don't talk, okay? I read to you. You sit and you listen, okay?"

Me: Okay.

Fatima: "NO! *sigh* What I say you? You raise your hand you want to speak, okay?" *She looks at me seriously. I smile. She tilts her head and her eyes widen* "You understand me?!"

Me: *raises hand* Yes.

Fatima: "Good girl. Good morning class!"

Me: Uhh, good morning Ms. Fatima.

F: NO!!!! Ms. Maggie!!!
This is her teacher's name. Now I get it.
Me: Oh, sorry! Good morning Ms. Maggie.

F: How are you today?

Me: Fine. How are you?

F: Fine thanks and you?

Me: .... fine, again.

F: "Okay, we read. You pick book from my desk. DON'TTOUCHMYDESK! Sarah! Listen. You listen me, okay? You bad, I put you to yellow. You bad again, I put you red. You good, you are green. I'm show."

F walks over to her dresser (all superior-like. Naturally, she's my teacher at this point and I reckon we won't get much tutoring done... but I decide it's cute and she's doing a LOT of speaking, so she's practicing her English. I'm down with it... also, I'm thinking I had a long day and this is adorable and will make for a hilarious blog.)
Anyway, F takes a piece of paper and draws a happy face, a not so happy face and a sad face. These she tells me are green, yellow, and red. At this point, I know her teacher uses stop lights as behaviour trackers in the classroom. The way F is speaking to me indicates there are lots of behaviour issues in her class, I assume, as she is practically yelling at me and staring me down the whole time. It's hilarious...

F hangs the paper on the wall with tape and explains again the green, yellow, and red. She says nothing about them being happy faces... but whatevs.

F: "We pick book now. You pick."

I brought four of my grade 2 reading books over and I pick an easy one for her to read to me. I hand it to her.

F: "Okay. I show you pictures now. You look at pictures. DONOTREAD! Okay?"
I nod.

F: "Okay. You see? What happening here?"

She shows me a picture of a stone falling to the ground. This story is about a man who wants to be a stone because he wants to be strong, or some shit... trust me, it's a cute story...

Me: *raises hand*

F: "Sarah"

Me: The stone is falling to the ground because it is heavy.

F: "NO! *sigh* Sarah! Pay attention. This *points to the stone* is angry! He fall on the man *points to a really small man in the background not even near the stone* He fall on the man. The man, he die. Okay? This what happen. See?"

Me: Oh! Yes, I see. *snickers*

F: *glares at me. Turns the page* What happen?

Me: *raises hand* You should say 'what is happening?'

F: WHAT HAPPEN?!

Me: Okay! Uhhh... *picture is of a cloud crying and it's raining* The cloud is sad so he is crying and he is making rain.

F: "Nooooo!!! Saraaaahhh! The cloud, she cries. She cries here *points to tears* and it rain. Come on Sarah!"

I'm grinning at this point. That's what I JUST said, damn it! SO cute.

F: "BRRRRIIIING! Home time! Get out."

I get up and mimic walking away.

F: "NO! Sit down. Snack is over. We read again. You pick."

I pick the same damn book because we didn't even READ it.

F: "Okay, you look at pictures and I read for you. Don't touch thing on my desk, okay?!"

She has a little pile of stuff on the table, including my water bottle and books. Because I'm curious, and a bitch, I touch a book and smile.

F: *gasps. She walks over to the happy faces and, while looking at me, crosses out the happy face and puts an S on the sad face TOTALLY skipping the middle face*
"You here now, okay? I say don't touch, you don't touch. You must listen your ears, Sarah. I say it, you do it, okay? My, my, my... We read now, okay? You listen, OKAY?!"

Me: *raises hand* Okay, sorry Ms Maggie.

F: "....thank you. Good girl... We read... *she points to pictures, I get them right, we read a bit. I listen..[rolls eyes] and then I say we're done and that she's an excellent teacher*

Me: Thank you Ms Maggie.

F: "No, I Ms. Fatima now."

Me: Wow! Do you want to be a teacher like me?

F: *super giddy, she nods*

Me: Wow, you'll be an EXCELLENT teacher.

F: *beams, goes over to the happy faces and puts an S on the happy face* "You good now. See?" *smiles*

Then, arguably the best thing to ever happen, she writes an F for Fatima, then a mouth on the smily face which looks like a U, then she write a K and says it's an S for Sarah... so legit, she writes F U K in BIG letters on the paper. I laugh.

F: "Why you laugh?!"

Me: ....uhhh, because you're such a GREAT teacher!

F: "Oh, thank you Sarah. I see you Sunday? You come back, we play school again? I read to you?! Bring more BOOKS!!!"

Me: Okay. Have a good weekend.

F: "Shukran. Have a good weekend. Bye bye."

Me: Bye bye.

*Fatima waves bye*

Tell me you aren't smiling. OH YOU CAN'T?! Because that was precious. LOVE this girl. SO imaginative. SO much attitude for a 6 year old and SO smart. She'll be a grand whatever she wants to be some day. :)

Yours,
the Wun student in Ms Fatima's class