Teaching in the AD: A passionate vlog

Hello friends, family, lovers and others,

Here I speak about teaching. I think at this point I had been teaching for about two weeks. Now I'm two months in so the next vlog will be super deep and much more focused (and less tired). Oh September... you were a hard month.

Enjoy!

Yours teacherly,
Sarah Wun

Love Seat: Episode Wun

Hello all,

This is from like a month ago, but since our access to internet is intermittent, it is difficult to post anything ever.

In this vlog, Bernard and I greet you from our sofa in a cute little series we have titled "Love Seat". Please, join us on YOUR love seat and listen as we bitch about this country and its differentness.

Note: Bernard is exhausted. Jetlag for the win...?
Note: Love Seat: Episode Two will be more upbeat because we won't be exhausted and bitter (as much).

(Best thumbnail ever)

With love,
S and B 1

Perspective Pizza

Salama my friends,

I am in a really good place so I thought I would blog about it.
To be honest, I've been having a really hard time adjusting to life in Abu Dhabi. TESL prepared me! My teacher told me I'd experience all the feelings I have been experiencing, and as much as I knew I'd feel bitter, angry, sadness, overwhelmingness, fear, isolation, etc. it still sucks. (Or sucked, rather).

I've changed my perspective! It is much easier to focus on the good rather than the bad now that visas are being processed and I feel comfortable and "in the know" at work. It was really hard at the beginning to accept the fact that positive reinforcement doesn't exist at my school and that I would have to help myself whenever I needed anything. This is hard to do when you know little to nothing. Now that I KNOW no one will help me, I've taken the liberty in being super assertive, almost aggressive in getting things I need. As for things I WANT, they are unattainable. For example, the laminating machine. I will never laminate anything and I'm okay with that.

We received projector screens and laptops for "smartboard" type things in class (I'm not quite sure what a smartboard is, but I think I have one...). Now I feel better because I can write efficiently and SAVE my lessons if needed. We had one technology (ICT) training session. I'm really looking forward to more!!!

I'm starting to really love my students. The badly behaved kids are a challenge, and to be honest, they provide me with entertaining (albeit, filled with rage) stories for Bernard at the end of the day. I'm excited to tap into their good side and find out what makes them tick! ONE of my notoriously troublesome students was ALMOST good last week, so I rewarded him by writing "You were awesome today" with a heart and a happy face in his diary. He was reasonably quiet and did his work and didn't hit anyone (to my knowledge), so I felt like he deserved some praise. He was SO thrilled that I wrote something positive in his diary that he showed the other teachers, and one teacher gave him a kiss on the cheek. The other students laughed, but this didn't phase him -- he's the biggest (and likely the most intimidating student) in the class so if HE gets praise, I'm hoping the others will follow suit. I told him I was really proud of him. Now he knows the standard and I always remind him that he was SO good and that he must maintain it in order to get a reward. We'll see what happens. ;)

I gave 6 of my kids awards for good behaviour yesterday. I attached a "Terrificate" (terrific+certificate.... Bernard came up with it and this wordplay is why I love him!!!) to a Finding Nemo pencil and gave them out last period. Some of the students were not expecting awards and their faces were adorable when I gave them a terrificate, a note about their accomplishments and how much I appreciated them, and a pencil. Some students expected awards and didn't get one. Nah man. I have high expectations and now the students know it! I'm really looking forward to reminding the students of the awards they could get if they listen to and respect me. Maybe I'll print off the pictures I took of the award winners and display them on one of our boards in class! :)

Anyway, Bernard and I are adjusting better. Some days are a little frustrating (the language barrier, for example, is waaaay tougher than I imagined. I thought English would be waaaaaay more prominent... nope! Not for some things. Hah). Some days are okay, and because they are okay, I've decided they are awesome! :) It is now a four day weekend (Eid holiday) and I cannot believe we made it. At this rate, we will no doubt make it until Christmas and even until next year. I can't wait for more experiences.

I've had SO many I could write a book! I've had projectile vomiting students, swearing students (I was an "ugly bitch" the other day, according to a six year old.... can you believe it?!?! Bitch please, as if you are going to get away with that. Wait until Parent-teacher interviews... smackdown!). I've had my resources taken away, water covered floors, broken chairs, broken pencils, peeing students, bleeding students (it's not as bad as it sounds... paper cuts and little scrapes...), screaming students, a weird orange bug in the class that caused massive amounts of screaming. I told the kids "Stop shrieking at our new student! He just wants to learn!! He hands in his homework more than you!!" They don't understand my sarcasm... I really should be teaching older kids. :)

Alas, I'm going to stop there or this email will get too long. Here are some pictures for your entertainment:

Here is a picture of what the bags should look like in my class. On a good day, they'll be organized like this. 

Ah yes, a typical day. Messy bags = students who don't listen.

My "office". It's a kitchen. :) Haha!

My Eid gift. And now, a four day weekend. HAPPY EID! :) 

I Mosque Blog This!

Hello, fair people! I’ve returned to make yet another blog post. I couldn’t help but notice that the last one I’ve done was almost a month ago. This is unacceptable, especially since Sarah points out that she told everybody we’d be blogging lots.

In any case, Sarah and I met a wonderful couch surfing couple a couple of weeks ago and we all went to visit The Grand Mosque. We took some lovely pictures (of which we’ll share with you lovely people, of course) and generally had a great time exploring the mosque’s opulent majesty. They also have a blog so you should check it out if you're so inclined! They've been traveling for two years! H-core!

Fig 1.0.: Sarah and our couch surfing companions arrive at the mosque!

But, back to the mosque. First and foremost, in order to enter the mosque, one has to adhere to a very specific dress code. I, of course, was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, so naturally I could enter freely. However, Sarah was wearing a t-shirt and a skirt so she had to cover up with an abaya. According to Sarah, they’re actually quite comfortable and not as hot as you’d think it’d be! I did have the option to rock a dishdasha, but I opted against it. I felt like it’d be frowned upon for someone like me to wear one.

Fig 1.1.: This handy sign was there to illustrate proper attire! I think I'm the guy at the very end.

Anyway, I had never set foot in a mosque before so it was quite fascinating to me to take in all the design aesthetics of the space. From the marble mosaic courtyard (which I believe is considered to be the largest hand tiled mosaic in the world) to the elegantly hand woven carpet on the inside, The Grand Mosque was truly something that inspired awe in one’s breath.

It was also a strange mixture of modern decadence with a traditional and ancient typology. For starters, there was what looked like giant air turbines incorporated into the interior columns. I understand that in a mosque with an interior capacity of over 4000 people, body heat can become quite an issue making these air diffusers more of a modern aged necessity than a stylistic choice. Still, you can imagine my amazement at seeing such an advanced technology in a space that oozes with esoteric mysticism.

Fig. 1.2.: That's some high tech stuff!

Fig. 1.4.: Sarah hijabs it up in an abaya! Looks good on her, eh?

Fig 1.5.: The clever clogs who situated the mosque knew what they were doing. What an epic view!

Fig 1.6.: Here we are, looking pilgrim.

Fig. 1.7.: The inside of the mosque. It's super shiny!

Fig. 1.8.: Sarah has a brilliant idea inside the mosque - ding!

Fig 1.9.: A very blue chandelier!

Also, I couldn’t help but notice that the intricate and expensive custom carpet installed in the mosque had some areas around the columns that were obviously intended to be cut to fit, but failed. I have photographic evidence of this travesty. For a mosque that had billions of dirhams poured into its construction, you’d think that they’d spend a little more time and effort in making sure that detail was spot on. All I can do is shake my head and “tsk tsk” their glaringly apparent mistake.

Fig. 2.0.: Booooooo ...

We also learned a little bit about Islam on a guided tour of the mosque. The tour guide explained to us about the different prayer times during the day (shown on a digital clock in the mosque’s “foyer”) and how the Islamic prayer system works. It was really fascinating to see technology playing such an integral role in religion. However, as I walked by another tour guide explaining to her group about prayer times, I learned how people figure out prayer times without the assistance of a prayer clock – the way the Bedouins in the desert do it. Interesting stuff!

Alas, there’re lots more about the mosque that I could talk about but it’s late and I’m tired. So just enjoy the pictures!

Next post: Abu Dhabi’s Carpet Souk!

- Sheikh Bernard Al Awesome Bin Rockstar

MORE PICTURES!

 

Fig. 2.1.: We thought that this would make a great movie poster for an indie film that could possibly be called "Musl-I'm" about a young girl's struggle with her identity. Sundance Film Festival anyone?

Where Is All The Hummus? And Shawarma?

Hello again!

Sarah is busy looking up cheap eats for us so I figure I'd make another blog post. This time it's about food!

For those of you who know me (and now for those of you who don't), I love food. It's delicious, it sustains me, it makes my tummy feel good, it adds to my ever expanding waistline, and depending on where you eat, it can immensely diversify your palette and cultural savvy. Yes, food is wonderful in so many ways! So you can imagine my delight at the opportunity to try some truly authentic Middle Eastern cuisine.

Well, consider that delight completely dashed. AD's cultural food selection isn't exactly the greatest. Let's refer to the Exhibit A - the Mushrif Mall food court. Yes, they have a couple of (overpriced) Middle Eastern-y restaurants, but they're outnumbered by Wendy's, KFC, Hardee's (or Carl's Jr. as some of you may know it as), McDonald's, Pizza Hut (that has a self-serve salad bar? What in the ...?), and lastly, a Subway. It's a veritable hodge podge of North American dining delights! But where are the hole-in-the-wall restaurants that serve up hummus and shawarma from a scary looking Lebanese man who vaguely reminds me of those Libyans from "Back To The Future"? You know the ones I'm talking about.

Fig 1.0.: Great Scott! THE LIBYANS!

Yes, I'm fully aware that Lebanon and Libya aren't the same country. Just go with me on this one, okay?

But I digress. Where are these delightfully sketched-out (but not actually sketched-out, I-make-shawarma-in-the-same-place-my-cat-does-doo-doo) restaurants? The hunt is on to find it! You would think it that with us being so close to the Middle East, i.e. in the Middle East, would make it incredibly easy to find a restaurant that serves up the good stuff. But thus far, nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. I would say the Arabic equivalent to "nothing", but I don't know it. Cut me some slack! I've only been here for three weeks and everything is pretty much in English.

So, where else would one go for delicious, authentic, chickpea slurry goodness (hummus is basically pureed chickpeas with tahini, lemon juice, olive oil, garlic, and salt)? How about the local grocery store where all the locals shop for their local foodstuffs? Yes, brilliant idea!

NOPE.

Turns out the only hummus they had was gross and smacked of chalk and despair. And it had a giant olive in the middle of it for some strange reason.

Fig 1.1.: A quick Google Image search shows this as "despair" and indeed, that hummus tasted the way this balding gentleman feels.

With the failure on both shawarma and hummus fronts, Sarah and I have given up our search for authentic Middle Eastern food temporarily. We'll continue it again when we're both a little more settled in our place and in our work lives. I'm convinced that there has to exist that one place that serves up Middle Eastern food that isn't super bland and tasteless. Or perhaps that's just how it's supposed to be? Is it possible that the Middle Eastern food tastes better in Canada than in the Middle East? No! I refuse to believe it! Come Hell or high water, I will have my brilliantly delicious shawarma!

Fig. 1.2.: The stuff that Middle Eastern dreams are made of.

There will be more food adventures to come! I've been cooking with strange Asian vegetables as of late. I got something called "Bangladesh String Beans". They're kind of wrinkly and incredibly long. I'm excited to see what they taste like! Also, we recently had Subway. I'm sure all of you know about Sarah's not-so-secret love affair with Subway's cold cut combo. Well, they don't have that over here (probably because the cold cuts they use are infused with pork) so she got a Subway club instead. A video of our experience enjoying that is yet to come!

Oh, and on an entirely non-food related note, look at this creepy toy I found at a discount store.

Fig. 1.3.: This must be the reason for uncontrollable children.

Until next time!

- Bernard

We be vloggin': Teaching in the AD - Ep. 1

Here's Sarah's vlog about teaching in the AD. Watch and enjoy! Ms. Sarah demands it!

And here's the YouTube link for those of you who can't see it on here: http://youtu.be/zkuzZs1a72I

Sand Ants Are On My Bread and In My Head

While Sarah is hard at work trying to teach her class something useful, I'll make a blog post here to try and teach the rest of you something entirely useless.

Lesson 01: Sand Ants
Sand ants will crawl all over a bag of bread trying to get to the deliciously soft goods within no matter how futile their effort may be. That's just the way they operate. Also, I think they're on my head but that might just be paranoia.

See how useless that is to know? Good. Now use that information to go forth and conquer.

I suppose you'd like some actual information regarding our stay in Abu Dhabi. Well! Allow me to share some more delightful tales of our experience here.

I think I'll start with the stop signs here. Apparently, they prove to be highly ineffective with drivers. Despite it being written in both English and Arabic (none of this "I couldn't understand what the sign said" business!), the drivers here seem to take a stop sign as an invitation to speed up and blast through an intersection. I've witnessed this happen with about every single car I've seen.

Oh, oh! I also saw a fender bender! It was exciting because I've never seen a fender bender outside of Canada. And it was totally the person in front who should be at fault - he stopped in the middle of the intersection on a green light. Explain that one to me!

Anyway, back to stop signs. So, the stop signs basically don't work here. I've even found that my classic "let-me-cross-or-I'll-pull-you-out-of-your-car-and-beat-you-to-within-an-inch-of-your-life-with-a-baseball-bat" stare down had no effect! Unbelievable! Now I've got to wait for all the cars to blow through a stop sign before I can cross. Bah!

There are also lots of cats over here. And I mean lots. They litter the streets and garbage bins like dry leaves on the forest floor in autumn (poetic, I know). It'd be okay if they were all cute and cuddly but they're quite the opposite! The majority of them are pretty scrawny which shouldn't really surprise me - their diet is, after all, dust and maybe a chicken bone if they're lucky. Just take a look at this fella, he's got no meat on him:

Fig. 1.0.: A disgustingly mangy cat.

Don't be fooled by his "cute" eyes. Not moments later, Sarah was being surrounded by a clowder of cats waiting to ambush her for food. We promptly hissed and scared them away.

Bonus cat factoid: did you know that a male cat's penis has around 120 - 150 backwards pointing barbs so that when it's withdrawn from the female, it scraps the inside of her vagina stimulating ovulation and removing any semen from previous cats? You can never un-know this now!

Cats are a**holes.

Moving on the non-feline related information: look, a picture of the sun at dusk!

Fig. 1.1.: The sun sets in the west and I'm still dripping sweat. Unbelievable.

We also took a joy ride last week down to the city center. The buses here are super cheap and not that bad to ride. They have a "ladies only" section of the bus at the very front where only "ladies" are allowed to sit. It's rather entertaining to see the back of the bus packe to the brim with a bunch of tired, sweaty workers and ten empty seats at the front of the bus staring at them.

Anyway, here's what a part of the city looks like:

Fig. 1.2.: The very metropolitan city center (I think). There's a sculpture of a cannon in the distance.

Last, but not least, I present to you a picture of Prince Pocket. Those of you on Facebook will have already seen it but I figured that for the benefit of our non-Facebook enabled friends I should post it here for you to check out:

Fig. 1.3.: Prince Pocket - he steals cookies from the rich and gives them to the starving poor. My hero!

Yeah, there are a lot of things like that around here. I have a feeling that I'll be endlessly entertained by bizarre food products and descriptions written in broken english.

That's all for now! Until the next blog post!

- Bernard