Where Is All The Hummus? And Shawarma?

Hello again!

Sarah is busy looking up cheap eats for us so I figure I'd make another blog post. This time it's about food!

For those of you who know me (and now for those of you who don't), I love food. It's delicious, it sustains me, it makes my tummy feel good, it adds to my ever expanding waistline, and depending on where you eat, it can immensely diversify your palette and cultural savvy. Yes, food is wonderful in so many ways! So you can imagine my delight at the opportunity to try some truly authentic Middle Eastern cuisine.

Well, consider that delight completely dashed. AD's cultural food selection isn't exactly the greatest. Let's refer to the Exhibit A - the Mushrif Mall food court. Yes, they have a couple of (overpriced) Middle Eastern-y restaurants, but they're outnumbered by Wendy's, KFC, Hardee's (or Carl's Jr. as some of you may know it as), McDonald's, Pizza Hut (that has a self-serve salad bar? What in the ...?), and lastly, a Subway. It's a veritable hodge podge of North American dining delights! But where are the hole-in-the-wall restaurants that serve up hummus and shawarma from a scary looking Lebanese man who vaguely reminds me of those Libyans from "Back To The Future"? You know the ones I'm talking about.

Fig 1.0.: Great Scott! THE LIBYANS!

Yes, I'm fully aware that Lebanon and Libya aren't the same country. Just go with me on this one, okay?

But I digress. Where are these delightfully sketched-out (but not actually sketched-out, I-make-shawarma-in-the-same-place-my-cat-does-doo-doo) restaurants? The hunt is on to find it! You would think it that with us being so close to the Middle East, i.e. in the Middle East, would make it incredibly easy to find a restaurant that serves up the good stuff. But thus far, nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. I would say the Arabic equivalent to "nothing", but I don't know it. Cut me some slack! I've only been here for three weeks and everything is pretty much in English.

So, where else would one go for delicious, authentic, chickpea slurry goodness (hummus is basically pureed chickpeas with tahini, lemon juice, olive oil, garlic, and salt)? How about the local grocery store where all the locals shop for their local foodstuffs? Yes, brilliant idea!

NOPE.

Turns out the only hummus they had was gross and smacked of chalk and despair. And it had a giant olive in the middle of it for some strange reason.

Fig 1.1.: A quick Google Image search shows this as "despair" and indeed, that hummus tasted the way this balding gentleman feels.

With the failure on both shawarma and hummus fronts, Sarah and I have given up our search for authentic Middle Eastern food temporarily. We'll continue it again when we're both a little more settled in our place and in our work lives. I'm convinced that there has to exist that one place that serves up Middle Eastern food that isn't super bland and tasteless. Or perhaps that's just how it's supposed to be? Is it possible that the Middle Eastern food tastes better in Canada than in the Middle East? No! I refuse to believe it! Come Hell or high water, I will have my brilliantly delicious shawarma!

Fig. 1.2.: The stuff that Middle Eastern dreams are made of.

There will be more food adventures to come! I've been cooking with strange Asian vegetables as of late. I got something called "Bangladesh String Beans". They're kind of wrinkly and incredibly long. I'm excited to see what they taste like! Also, we recently had Subway. I'm sure all of you know about Sarah's not-so-secret love affair with Subway's cold cut combo. Well, they don't have that over here (probably because the cold cuts they use are infused with pork) so she got a Subway club instead. A video of our experience enjoying that is yet to come!

Oh, and on an entirely non-food related note, look at this creepy toy I found at a discount store.

Fig. 1.3.: This must be the reason for uncontrollable children.

Until next time!

- Bernard

We be vloggin': Teaching in the AD - Ep. 1

Here's Sarah's vlog about teaching in the AD. Watch and enjoy! Ms. Sarah demands it!

And here's the YouTube link for those of you who can't see it on here: http://youtu.be/zkuzZs1a72I

Sand Ants Are On My Bread and In My Head

While Sarah is hard at work trying to teach her class something useful, I'll make a blog post here to try and teach the rest of you something entirely useless.

Lesson 01: Sand Ants
Sand ants will crawl all over a bag of bread trying to get to the deliciously soft goods within no matter how futile their effort may be. That's just the way they operate. Also, I think they're on my head but that might just be paranoia.

See how useless that is to know? Good. Now use that information to go forth and conquer.

I suppose you'd like some actual information regarding our stay in Abu Dhabi. Well! Allow me to share some more delightful tales of our experience here.

I think I'll start with the stop signs here. Apparently, they prove to be highly ineffective with drivers. Despite it being written in both English and Arabic (none of this "I couldn't understand what the sign said" business!), the drivers here seem to take a stop sign as an invitation to speed up and blast through an intersection. I've witnessed this happen with about every single car I've seen.

Oh, oh! I also saw a fender bender! It was exciting because I've never seen a fender bender outside of Canada. And it was totally the person in front who should be at fault - he stopped in the middle of the intersection on a green light. Explain that one to me!

Anyway, back to stop signs. So, the stop signs basically don't work here. I've even found that my classic "let-me-cross-or-I'll-pull-you-out-of-your-car-and-beat-you-to-within-an-inch-of-your-life-with-a-baseball-bat" stare down had no effect! Unbelievable! Now I've got to wait for all the cars to blow through a stop sign before I can cross. Bah!

There are also lots of cats over here. And I mean lots. They litter the streets and garbage bins like dry leaves on the forest floor in autumn (poetic, I know). It'd be okay if they were all cute and cuddly but they're quite the opposite! The majority of them are pretty scrawny which shouldn't really surprise me - their diet is, after all, dust and maybe a chicken bone if they're lucky. Just take a look at this fella, he's got no meat on him:

Fig. 1.0.: A disgustingly mangy cat.

Don't be fooled by his "cute" eyes. Not moments later, Sarah was being surrounded by a clowder of cats waiting to ambush her for food. We promptly hissed and scared them away.

Bonus cat factoid: did you know that a male cat's penis has around 120 - 150 backwards pointing barbs so that when it's withdrawn from the female, it scraps the inside of her vagina stimulating ovulation and removing any semen from previous cats? You can never un-know this now!

Cats are a**holes.

Moving on the non-feline related information: look, a picture of the sun at dusk!

Fig. 1.1.: The sun sets in the west and I'm still dripping sweat. Unbelievable.

We also took a joy ride last week down to the city center. The buses here are super cheap and not that bad to ride. They have a "ladies only" section of the bus at the very front where only "ladies" are allowed to sit. It's rather entertaining to see the back of the bus packe to the brim with a bunch of tired, sweaty workers and ten empty seats at the front of the bus staring at them.

Anyway, here's what a part of the city looks like:

Fig. 1.2.: The very metropolitan city center (I think). There's a sculpture of a cannon in the distance.

Last, but not least, I present to you a picture of Prince Pocket. Those of you on Facebook will have already seen it but I figured that for the benefit of our non-Facebook enabled friends I should post it here for you to check out:

Fig. 1.3.: Prince Pocket - he steals cookies from the rich and gives them to the starving poor. My hero!

Yeah, there are a lot of things like that around here. I have a feeling that I'll be endlessly entertained by bizarre food products and descriptions written in broken english.

That's all for now! Until the next blog post!

- Bernard

We vloggin': Living in the AD

Here is a video of us in our new apartment. If it does not work, please go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1VHCe1Yf0Ps&feature=youtu.be to check it out. So help me if it doesn't work. I spent like 45 minutes uploading this bitch.

Peace bros. 

Keep on rocking in the free world

Hello all.

Whilst I wait for this damn video to upload, I'm-a write a blog post! So it is Wednesday which means tomorrow is UAE Friday!!! Tomorrow is the end of the week and then I'll have myself a glorious weekend.

There's an in service KG teachers meeting tomorrow evening (I think... it was supposed to be on Saturday from 10-12 but people complained so I think it's end of day tomorrow). I'm looking forward to a bit of TRAINING! Watch... I'm probably doing everything wrong... I jest. I know how to rock this stuff. ;)

Bernard and I are currently at Tim Horton's doing our weekly internet check. I figured I would try to post as MUCH as possible in order to give you all an adequate update to tide you over until next week. Haha :) We're posting over coffee (and a mint tea for me!!). Good times.

Today I had 5 periods. I had two Englishs, two Maths, and a Science. That's quite a bit. There are 8 periods in a day. I usually cover snack and break as well. Today I didn't have break duty, but I had some misbehaving students so I had to cover break by watching them with their heads down for 30 minutes. I couldn't eat my lunch because you literally have to watch every move these kids make! It's pretty hardcore.

I'm really looking forward to like November when I feel "in" with people and have a nice "routine" built up. We currently have a bit of a routine, but in the school it's kind of chaotic until classes are finalized and all the students get their books and stuff. These kids have a lotttttt of books. I think I counted about 27 PER student. Sweet Jesus. And I have to sort them!!!! And keep track of them!!!!

Anyway, life is hard but good and it's super busy which is super nice because before you know it, we'll be back and this will be just another wicked experience. :) We're going with the flow and it's pretty cool at the moment.

I feel pretty blessed to be able to have this experience. Really. We have a paid for apartment, we get to experience a pretty cool yet different culture, and I have a chance to change the lives of some students and influence them positively to respect and be mannerly toward future staff members and citizens!

THAT... is pretty cool. :)

Yours,
Sarah Wun

Here we GO!

September 17, 2012

It begins …

SO! It has been one week for Bernard and I. We have been in the UAE for one whole week. Things are starting to fall into place. I have lesson plans coming in, the students are starting to remember my name, Bernard is finding a regular mall routine, and we have food and cutlery. Life is good.

As for teaching, there’s a lot of stuff I just didn’t know was going to happen. Shock number one: I am an “everything teacher”. I don’t just teach English; I teach every subject that isn’t Arabic or Islamic. Therefore, I teach English, Maths, Science, and Art. Jesus. SO that’s a lot of work!!!!

I thought I was going to be the ESL teacher. I am, but for all subjects (except Arabic and Islamic… language and religion).

Guess what?!?! I also teach HEALTH! (Sex education anyone?) It’s kind of cool. Right now, I’m teaching the students similarities and differences between toddlers and babies, which seems a hop, skip, and a jump from “write the word ‘see’ very neatly in your book three times”. Science is pretty hardcore and maths and English are fairly straightforward (well… to me anyway). The levels in the class are extremely varied. I’ve got some students who soar through work like nobody’s business and other students who don’t understand “hello”. It’s incredibly challenging when you top it all off with the worst behavioural problems known to man!! There is definitely a behavioural issue with Arabic children. They are sweet as pie but bad, bad, bad!

Oh, there’s also the call to prayer. We live very close to a mosque. Bernard hears the call to prayer 5 times a day. I hear it a few times (I cannot hear it in the school when I teach). We’ve essentially memorized it. They play it super loud in the malls. It’s majestic. It will be played 5 times a day until the end of time. Don’t worry. When Bernard gets back to Canada, he’ll sing the call to prayer for those of you who are curious.

Bernard’s Note: I’ve been doing vocal exercises in my spare time so that all of you may enjoy the miracle that is my “Call to Prayer”. I’ve even been asked by the local imam to sing it for them live instead of the recorded tripe they use.

No one has asked for proof that Bernard and I are married yet. I guess they just trust us. I hope they ask so that my marriage validation stamp is justified!! I paid money for that!! Growl.

I fiiiiiiiinally received some money to compensate for my visa cost and plane ticket. AED to CAD is really different so it looks like I have a LOT of money, but it’s not that much. Regardless, Bernard and I can evolve from cornflakes and raw vegetables to a much heartier diet selection next week. Despite our lack of food, my Chef Wun makes a gorgeous potato and leek soup with rice!! We’ve eaten that for dinner every day since we got here!! It’s mighty delicious. I want cookies and shawarma though.

Bernard’s Note: You would think that shawarma places would be as common here as diaper rash on a baby, but you’d be mistaken! Also, diaper rash is the worst.

SUBWAY DELIVERS. I MAY NEVER LEAVE THIS PLACE! (Lies. We’ll be home soon …)

Bernard’s Note: We better be.

Between 12pm - 4pm, every 6-inch sub is 10 AED (roughly $3) AND subway delivers, so Bernard and I can have a 6-inch sub and make it a combo for about 32 AED (10-12$). LIFE IS GOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!!! I may eat this every day constantly to keep me from going insane from the behaviour-less heathens.

It’s hot. Yesterday, Bernard and I walked to the bus (about 10 mins.) and got to the administration building around 4:20pm. It opened at 5pm so we had to wait … in the HEAT. It was like hot yoga. My legs were dripping sweat, and I don’t sweat (much). It was quite brutal. Every day, the heat gets better and we get smarter (leave really early and go out really late … NOT between 1pm – 4pm). The average temperature right now is about 40°C – 42°C. It cools down to 35°C and 36°C … crazy. I’m really looking forward to winter. 26°C? Bring it on!!

Bernard’s Note: I was actually getting really cold in the mall and at home. Despite the AC bringing the room temperature down to a comfortable 25°C, I felt comparatively freezing. So much so, that I had to step outside to thaw my frozen extremities.

 I get up at 5:30am each morning and leave for school at 6:30am. My colleagues think I’m crazy, but I prefer to walk in the heat before the sun fully comes up!! Screw 7:30am!!

So I walk to school around 6:30am, arrive at 6:40am, organize my classroom, meet my students at 7:10am -7:20am, take them upstairs to class, entertain them until 8:00am, and then school starts officially. I’ve been reviewing rules this week. I say the rules super strictly and scowl as I say them so as to give off a frightening demeanor and instill fear in the children. I jest.  

There are 8 periods in a day, plus snack and break. I teach between 4 and 5 periods and cover break and usually snack. I have long days!! I usually get home between 3:00pm – 4:00pm. I do work at home as well. I hope eventually when things become routine, work at home will be less and less.

Alas, it is 8:08pm over here … so about noon for you all. Enjoy lunch. I’m headed to bed shortly. I had a 5:30am start, worked until 4:15pm, went to admin to do paperwork and pick up a cheque at 4:30pm, got home at 7:00pm, lesson planned, and wrote this email. Sarah is a busy bee!!! I MUST go to bed.

Bernard’s Note: I observed some sand ants crawling around on our balcony. I’m tired too!

Miss you all. I cannot believe that it has already been a week since we’ve been here! Crazy!! Tomorrow is Thursday (the end of the week!). Before you know it, it’ll be Christmas and then the homestretch until the summer.

Bernard’s Note: It’s always summer here. ALWAYS.

Good night!

The Pretty Wun & The Manly Wun